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Sorcier 发表于 2008-6-14 21:32

No.12梯队第25次作业修改贴

占一楼修改

冰岛哲学C 发表于 2008-6-19 22:06

冰岛哲学C修改sailing的作文.


With the development of film, nowadays, we have many kinds of movies to see. Such[color=#0070c0] like[/color][color=#0070c0][font=宋体][size=10.5pt](习惯用[/size][/font][/color][color=#0070c0]as[/color][color=#0070c0][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]吧,[/size][/font][/color][color=#0070c0]such like [/color][color=#0070c0][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]用法:[/size][/font][/color][color=#0070c0]novels, magazines, and [b]such[/b] [b]like[/b].[/color][color=#0070c0][font=宋体][size=10.5pt])[/size][/font][/color], cartoons, children’s favorite.[font=宋体][size=10.5pt](这句话只有主语,是不是[/size][/font]such[font=宋体][size=10.5pt]前面的该改逗号)[/size][/font] Also some make us think, like the Forrest Gump. And some make us laugh and entertain us, like God Must Be Crazy. Among all these movies, I like the ones that can amuse me the most.
First, amused movies can make me relax. Because I have to study and work [color=red]during the day for all the weekdays[/color][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]([/size][/font][/color][color=red]during every weekday[/color][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt])[/size][/font][/color], I ‘m very tired. When the weekends come, I do not want to think hard any more. It is so bitter for me. At that time, if I can see an [color=#0070c0]amused([/color][color=#0070c0][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]考虑换词,近义词[/size][/font][/color][color=#0070c0]) [/color]movie, my nervous will be released. Then I got recharged, and I will be energetic again. The next week, I will be more powerful to go on with my new work.
[color=#0070c0][font=宋体][size=10.5pt](第一段所有句子基本上都以[/size][/font][/color][color=#0070c0][size=10.5pt][font=Calibri]I[/font][/size][/color][color=#0070c0][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]开头。句型比较单一喔[/size][/font][/color][color=#0070c0][size=10.5pt][font=Calibri]~[/font][/size][/color][color=#0070c0][font=宋体][size=10.5pt])[/size][/font][/color]
In addition, seeing[color=#0070c0][font=宋体][size=10.5pt](替换成[/size][/font][/color][color=#0070c0]watching[/color][color=#0070c0][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]吧,多来点词语替换。)[/size][/font][/color] amused movies is a good method for us to know each other more deeply, and can make us closer with each other. When we see amused movies with friends or family, we all very released. Then we will all [color=red]feel [/color]very free and open. We can tell [color=#0070c0]each other([/color][color=#0070c0][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]出现[/size][/font][/color][color=#0070c0]3[/color][color=#0070c0][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]次了,可以考虑换个表达方式[/size][/font][/color][color=#0070c0]) [/color]what’s really in our heart. For example, if you had a quarrel with a friend, there must be some misunderstandings. If you talk to[color=#0070c0] each other[/color] normally, it might be embarrassed. However, if you explain the situation to your friend while you are seeing an amused movie together, it’s very natural.
Moreover, amused movies can also make us think, just in a different way. Take the God Must Be Crazy again for example, that movie makes us laugh from the beginning to the end. And also we can learn the wisdom of the original people. We can know how they conquer the difficulties by the original way. These movies can [color=red]make[/color] us think in a free and easy mood.
Since I [color=red]will [/color][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]去掉[/size][/font][/color]have hard work during the weekdays, I do not like to see movies that [color=red]make[/color][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]结构全篇使用很多吖[/size][/font][/color]
me think. Those movies [color=red]make[/color] me much more tied. I would like to see movies designed to amuse me or entertain me. It makes me relax. After a week’s long hard work, I need to relax.
[color=#0070c0] [/color]
[color=#0070c0][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]感觉语法上没有什么太大的毛病,就是句子成分是否完整要注意下。[/size][/font][/color][color=#0070c0][/color]
[color=#0070c0][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]感觉词汇量不够大,所以文章中使用的词汇有限,这样就限制了作者的表达。[/size][/font][/color][color=#0070c0][/color]
[color=#0070c0][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]另外就是,句型比较单一,可以通过背好句型来解决。太傻上有好句型下载[/size][/font][/color][color=#0070c0]~[/color][color=#0070c0][size=10.5pt][/size][/color]

Happysailing 发表于 2008-6-22 22:10

修改collins822的第25次作业

[align=left][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]With the development of movie, more and more people [color=red]choose (take/treat)[/color] watching
film[color=red]s [/color]as the favorite relaxation and hobby. [color=red]But[/color] [color=red]t[/color]he fans of movie[color=red]s[/color] have distinct tendencies. Some like serious movie[color=red]s[/color] which have [color=red]an[/color] obscure philosophy behind the work and make [color=red]the [/color]audience think. [color=red]While(while 引导的是从句,这样的话这句话没有主语,可以改成on the other hand,或者前面用逗号)[/color], others prefer to watch comedy[color=red](comedies主谓不一致)[/color] which make viewer[color=red]s[/color] laugh and relax.  In my opinion, the serious film[color=red]s[/color] is[color=red] (are)[/color] my favorite. It is[color=green] undeniable[/color] that I also watch some comedies to release the pressure and tiredness, but I prefer to watch some classic and serious films in common condition.

I [color=green]tend to[/color] look movies as an art but not just an amusement. The serious movie[color=red]s[/color] edify[color=red](建议统一一下单复数表达方式)[/color]my mind and soul. Because each movie reflect[color=red]s[/color] the[color=blue](its)[/color] particular emotion and philosophy, which([color=red]主语是emotion and philosophy?那应该用复数吧?[/color]) makes me think and change [color=red]view of some points(some viewpoints)[/color]. The Forrest Gump is a good example. In the film, I can know the track of a dull man-----Gump's life and success. And the movie makes me understand that the successful man is not always wit and intelligent and think what is the most important [color=red]key(感觉和important重复)[/color] element of success, Honesty? Persistence?  Each audience may have his own answer.

Moreover, [color=red]the(去掉) [/color]serious movie[color=red]s[/color] [color=red]can[/color] widen[color=red](s)[/color] my horizon. Obviously, most of the serious film[color=red]s [/color]reflect the real world and present some social issues. Movies which are from different countries may show distinct characteristic[color=red]s[/color] of regional cultures. And By[color=red](by)[/color] watching some famous films of a nation, I can understand the mode [color=red]of thinking of the people[/color] [color=blue](people thinking)[/color]in that country. For instance, [color=blue]the Chinese movies usually express implicit means and deeper logic which are hidden in the film.(不太明白这句话的意思,感觉表达的意思也不完整,没有表达出你怎么样通过中国电影来了解中国的文化的)[/color]

In addition, by watching some serious movies, I have learned some spirits and attitude[color=red]s[/color] to face[color=red] the(去掉)[/color] difficulty[color=red](difficulties)[/color] and barrier[color=red]s[/color]. In the famous film, there is a classic line—“If you make a mistake, get all tangled up, just tango on” I copy[color=red](copied)[/color] the sentence in my notebook to give me confidence when I meet [color=red]some(去掉)[/color] trouble[color=red]s[/color].

In conclusion, I prefer serious movie[color=red]s[/color] to the movie[color=red]s[/color] which are designed to amuse [color=red]people(amuse缺少宾语)[/color]. Movies have an important position in my life, [color=red]edifies(用复数)[/color] my mind and soul, widen my horizon and help me to face the trouble.[/size][/font][/align][/align][align=left][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt] [/size][/font][/align][/align][color=red][font=宋体]注意主谓要一致,单复数用的很混乱。[/font][/color][color=red][/color]

凤舞九天0107 发表于 2008-6-23 19:38

没人改我的,我改的也没。。。。

凤舞九天0107 发表于 2008-6-24 22:01

改sorcier

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]Many people like to watch movies. Some of them choose to watch movies in cinemas while others prefer to watch [color=blue](them) [/color]at home. Though people may have different attitudes towards movie, most of them would agree that movie is basically a form of recreation.[size=12pt][color=green]Its main function is to entertain rather than to educate[/color], and we love watching movies mostly because they entertain us.[/size][/font][/size]
[size=12pt][font=Times New Roman][/font][/size]
[size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]Movie attracts us for many reasons. However one of the common reasons for its popularity is that it amuses people. In everyday life, we all have to face problems and challenges. Many a time we struggle to win yet we finally lose; we suffer from frustration and low self-esteem. Then we have the need to adjust our emotion and cheer up. Movies can help us improve our feelings. By watching a comedy, we totally forget about the bitterness in real life and enjoy ourselves. This could release the psychological pressure for us and encourage us to persist in work. I have got long time benefits from this. [/font][/size]
[size=12pt][font=Times New Roman][/font][/size]
[size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]Though most movies are for entertainment, there are a few which can really provoke serious thoughts in life. These movies are all considered masterpiece. Forrest Gump is such a movie. The movie depicts the growth of an extraordinary man, and fuses his legendary life with a series of historical events, and pinpoints the spirits that support Gump to become a man with great determination and optimism. Many audiences were moved by Gump’s spirit. They begin to think about their own lives and attempt to make self-improvement for better future. People surly value such movies, nevertheless, only few movies achieve such high comments. Most movies can not have a [color=blue]midas(?)[/color] touch in our minds. In this sense, I would like to read books rather than watching movies to enlighten myself and leave movies solely for recreation.[/font][/size]
[size=12pt][font=Times New Roman][/font][/size]
[size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]In sum, most movies focus on entertainment and is suitable for such a role. Movies that entertain people could bring lots of laughter to audiences and relieve their pressure. We all would like to enjoy ourselves in watching movies. Though some movies have made us think seriously, they are only a minority of all movies, which means that we can not rely on movie as a major way to educate ourselves, and this further accents the amusing role of the movie[/font][/size]
[font=Times New Roman][size=3]写的理由还是很充分的,我就死也想不出什么理由。[/size][/font]
[font=Times New Roman][size=3]文章思路清晰,句子流畅,写的很好。[/size][/font]

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