Team 16 第16次活动【L.G.Alexander同学写的范文已经加入，大家鉴赏一下】
[font=Verdana][b][size=6][color=blue]Team 16[/color] 第16次活动[/size][/b][/font][u][size=4][font=Verdana][b][size=5][color=blue]Team Members[/color] (No. + ID):[/size][/b]
[/font][/size][/u][size=4][font=Verdana][b]1.[color=blue][color=black]ly-xiao653[/color][/color]
2.bardin
3.BlueScorpion
4.chenximax
5.凤兮舞兮[/b]
[/font][/size][font=Verdana][b][size=4]6.nk_tomoyo
7.[color=blue][color=black]tuolingphecda[/color][/color][/size][/b]
[b][u][size=6][color=blue]8.orangebug(welcome!)[/color][/size][/u][/b]
[/font][font=Verdana][b][size=4]9.threetigers107
10.tostudyinusa[/size]
[/b]
[b][size=5][color=red]Goals:[/color] to improve our independent writing skills and receive high scores in iBT writing section.[/size][/b] ::z4 ::z4 ::z4
[u][size=5][b]活动内容[/b][/size][/u]
[/font][font=Verdana][b][size=4]每次活动写一篇independent writing的作文, 改一篇其他组员的作文
题库来自TWE185
每周两次活动[/size]
[/b]
[/font][font=Verdana][size=5][b]出题时间:每周五晚上和每周一晚上
交作业deadline: 每周一晚上2300(交上周五出的题)和每周五晚上2300(交本周一出的题)[/b][/size]
[size=5][b][u]规则[/u][/b][/size]
[/font][font=Verdana][size=4][b]1.请各位组员一定要[color=darkorange][u]在deadline之前[/u][/color]交自己写作文和批改的作文,以执行制定好的互改方案.
2.改作文时务必[color=blue][u]按照方案进行[/u][/color],不能随意改一个组员的作文或者不改. 这是基本的任务,希望大家严格执行.
另外有空可以看看不是自己改的组员的作文,借鉴经验,可以不改而只提出疑问和建议. 如果愿意多改,我们大力欢迎.
3.若因故不能参加某次活动[color=darkorchid][u]请尽早请假[/u][/color],这样利于临时安排. 最好不要请假. ::z5
多次未能参加活动(会有参与记录的)的成员只能请你离开,寻找适于自己的写作练习小组.[/b][/size] ::13
[size=5][u][b]4.发布[/b][/u][/size]
[/font][font=Verdana][b][size=4](1)请小组成员将[color=magenta]拼写和基本语法错误[/color]自己在[u]WORD[/u]上纠正之后发作文.
(2)作文直接发在帖子里.
(3)第n次活动的作文和批改都发在 “第n次活动专用贴”中.
(4)字体大小什么的就不要求了，字稍微大点容易看就好[/size]
[/b]
[u][b][size=5]5. 修改[/size][/b][/u]
[/font][font=Verdana][size=5][size=4][b](1)[color=red]红色[/color]表示错误，[color=blue]蓝色[/color]表示建议，[color=green]绿色[/color]表示值得学习的词句.评论或注释请加上括号()
(2)请尽可能按照iBT的评分标准修改. 措辞造句和布局谋篇都要考虑
(3)批改的楼层请在标题一栏写上[u]on somebody[/u], 如批改的是我的作文就写on tostudyinusa[/b][/size]
[/size]
[/font][font=Verdana][size=4][b][u][size=5]6.[/size][/u][/b]鼓励(非必须)在作文后面附上[u]一个小summary[/u],说一下你的思路,列出points. 这样便于修改者理解你的文章,更好地来修改,并判断你是否达到了你的预期思路
[b][u][size=5]7.[/size][/u][/b]以上方案是经大家讨论后一致同意的,如果有任何异议欢迎直接跟组长提出,再由组员商讨
[/size]
[/font][color=blue][font=Verdana][size=5][u][b]第16次活动[/b][/u][/size]
[/font][/color][font=Verdana][b][u][size=5]题目
[/size][/u][size=4]Some famous athletes and entertainers earn millions of dollars every year. Do you think these people deserve such high salaries? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.(185题库里的第162题）[/size][/b]
[b][u][size=6][color=magenta]交作业Deadline: July 7th, 2008 Monday 2300[/color][/size][/u][/b]
[size=5][u][b]互改安排[/b][/u][/size][/font]
[b][u][font=Verdana][size=5][/size][/font][/u][/b]
[b][u][font=Verdana][size=5][table=461][tr][td=1,1,102][align=left][font=Verdana][font=宋体][size=12pt] [b] 批改者[/b][/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/font][/align]
[align=center][font=宋体][size=10.5pt][font=Verdana][size=3][/size][/font][/size][/font][/align]
[/td][td=1,1,102][align=left][font=Verdana][b][font=宋体][size=12pt] 被批改者[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/b][/font][/align]
[align=center][font=宋体][size=10.5pt][font=Verdana][size=3][/size][/font][/size][/font][/align]
[/td][/tr][tr][td=1,1,102][size=12pt][align=center][font=Verdana][size=4][b]ly-xiao653[/b][/size][/font][/size][/align][/td][td=1,1,102][size=10.5pt][font=Verdana][size=3][b] [size=6][color=blue][size=4]orangebug[/size][/color][/size][/b][/size][/font][/size]
[/td][/tr][tr][td=1,1,102][align=center][font=Verdana][b][size=12pt]bardin[/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/b][/font][/align]
[/td][td=1,1,102][size=10.5pt][size=3][font=Verdana][b]threetigers107[/b][/font][/size][/size]
[/td][/tr][tr][td=1,1,102][align=center][font=Verdana][b][size=12pt]BlueScorpion[/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/b][/font][/align]
[/td][td=1,1,102][size=10.5pt][size=3][font=Verdana][b]tostudyinusa[/b][/font][/size][/size]
[/td][/tr][tr][td=1,1,102][align=center][font=Verdana][b][size=12pt]chenximax[/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/b][/font][/align]
[/td][td=1,1,102][size=10.5pt][size=3][align=center][font=Verdana][size=4][b]ly-xiao653[/b][/size][/font][/size][/size][/align][/td][/tr][tr][td=1,1,102][size=12pt][align=center][size=4][b][font=Verdana][size=12pt]凤兮舞兮[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/b][/size][/align][/size][/td][td=1,1,102][size=10.5pt][size=3][font=Verdana][b]bardin[/b][/font][/size][/size]
[/td][/tr][tr][td=1,1,102][align=center][font=Verdana][b][size=12pt]nk_tomoyo[/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/b][/font][/align]
[/td][td=1,1,102][size=10.5pt][size=3][font=Verdana][b]BlueScorpion[/b][/font][/size][/size]
[/td][/tr][tr][td=1,1,102][size=12pt][align=center][size=4][font=Verdana][size=12pt][b]tuolingphecda[/b][/size][/font][/size][/align][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/td][td=1,1,102][size=10.5pt][size=3][font=Verdana][b]chenximax[/b][/font][/size][/size]
[/td][/tr][tr][td=1,1,102][align=center][size=12pt][font=Verdana][size=4][color=blue][b]orangebug[/b][/color][/size][/font][/size][/align]
[/td][td=1,1,102][size=10.5pt][size=3][align=center][size=4][font=Verdana][size=12pt][b]凤兮舞兮[/b][/size][/font][/size][/size][/size][/align][/td][/tr][tr][td=1,1,102][align=center][font=Verdana][b][size=12pt]threetigers107[/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/b][/font][/align]
[/td][td=1,1,102][size=10.5pt][size=3][font=Verdana][b]nk_tomoyo[/b][/font][/size][/size]
[/td][/tr][tr][td=1,1,102][align=center][font=Verdana][b][size=12pt]tostudyinusa[/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt][/size][/font][/b][/font][/align]
[/td][td=1,1,102][size=10.5pt][size=3][align=center][size=4][font=Verdana][size=12pt][b]tuolingphecda[/b][/size][/font][/size][/size][/size][/align][/td][/tr][/table]
[/size][/font][/u][/b]
[size=5][b][color=slategray]P.S.[/color][/b]
[b][color=slategray]1.这次题目属于“名人问题”一类，大家应该有不少可以举的例子[/color][/b]
[/size][size=7][b][color=slategray][u]2.由于要外出一段时间，可能无法上网，16次的活动我尽量参加。另外可能17次的活动需要某位组员代替我发帖出题，请大家帮我一下，愿意主持活动的话就告诉我。[/u][/color][/b]
[/size][b][size=6][color=#708090][size=5]3.凤兮舞兮本次活动已经请假，会晚些交[/size]。[/color][/size][/b]
[[i] 本帖最后由 tostudyinusa 于 2008-7-15 17:17 编辑 [/i]] [size=6][color=red][b]大家有谁愿意帮我发第17次活动帖的吗？？[/b][/color][/size]
[size=6][color=black]明天就走了，然后估计一段时间里不能上网[/color][/size]::18 ::21 17次活动将由threetigers107来出题和发帖::z1 Among the people who possess the mostfortune in the world, a great number of them are athletes and entertainers.They earn millions of dollars every year, live in massive houses and driveluxurious cars. Under spotlights, they seem to have the perfect life thateveryone else wanted. While some people argued that these people do not deservesuch high salaries, I however hold the opposed opinion against the argument forthe following reasons:
The high salaries of famous athletes andentertainers are not free. We should not limit ourselves to the perfect lifethey exhibit under the spotlights on stage. However, we should rather take astep further to look at the sacrifice they make for the high salaries. Let'stake the famous NBA basketball player Kobe Bryant as the example, he earnsmillions every year, he also runs millions miles and practicing shooting formillions times each year. He understands the theory far better than the othersthat no pain no gain; success is only there for the people who arewell-prepared.
Famous athletes experience injuries andpains for myriad times that we probably would never get to know. On the otherside, entertainers like movie stars and singers also work hard. When we havefun with our family watching TV or having a weekend picnic, these stars arebusily flying from cities to another, attending different promotions orrunways. Simplest things like to have an ordinary dinner with families or evento call friends are hard, for that they do not only belong to their own worldbut the whole world. In some cases, they do not enjoy the privacy as normalpeople do. Their pressures are also extraordinary. They have to control theiremotions carefully so that they do not destroy their impression in front of thepublic. There are several examples of famous people who suffered fromdepression and committed suicide which may indicate the hardness they arefacing.
Last but not least, these famous peoplealso make salient contribution to our society. They are people who make ourlife more colorful. Music, movies and sport games bring people together toenjoy their time. Moreover, a majority famous people are chartable pioneers whoact as good examples to help the poor, the homeless and the disables. They usetheir pathos to make our society warmer and more solicitous.
To conclude, I think famous athletes andentertainers deserve to earn high salaries for their outstanding abilities, hardworkingand the significant contribution they make to our society.
[font=宋体]第一段间接复述题干，表明认为[/font]DESERVE
[font=宋体]第二段点名成功背后的付出[/font]
[font=宋体]第三段进一步点明付出[/font]
[font=宋体]第四段点名他们对社会作出的贡献，娱乐文化事业及慈善[/font]
[font=宋体]最后总结[/font]
[[i] 本帖最后由 orangebug 于 2008-7-4 14:53 编辑 [/i]] Undoubtedly, nowadays famous athletes and entertainers earn much better life than ordinary people, including not only reputation but also salaries. The gap of income between famous persons and the public has increased greatly, so many individuals begin to criticize whether they should be paid several even dozens times salaries comparing with the average. From my own standpoint, I support those famous athletes and entertainers deserve the high income, because of their hard work, high risk, and contribution to the society.
As the old saying goes, no sacrifice, no gain, no matter famous athletes or entertainers, they all have devoted unimaginable energy and time into the career. Ten minutes’ sparkling performance on the stage may mean ten-year hard work and numerous sweats. Most of them left family and friends to take tough training when they were only four or five years old, and by contrast many of the ordinary people that time were enjoying the happy childhood. Every penny they earn is not a case. So I perceive their sacrifice is doomed to bring their high salaries.
Furthermore, to be famous athletes and entertainers means the most glorious heyday in career can just continue several years. When athletes step into their 30th birthday or entertainers face the decrepitude of appearance, they have to say goodbye to favorite job and the public. So once they choose to step in this career, they should take the high risk. If the athlete get heavy hurt in the training or competition, if the entertainer can not earn the love from the public, their whole hard work before all are unavailing. What’s worse, the accidents in competition or performance even can make them be handicapped or even die. No long ago, there were several instances that football players got sudden death during the competitions. And some years ago, Huang Jiaju, one of my favorite singers, died of dropping from the high stage. As the famous athletes and entertainers face so high risk, certainly they must get an equal repay.
In addition, the famous athletes and entertainers also have made outstanding contribution to the society. Athletes through their performance inspire us to be higher, be quicker, be stronger and continually climb to higher peak. Entertainers as well play a significant role in entertaining individuals that they bring persons happiness and relaxation after tired work and study. From this perspective, they surely deserve the earning.
In conclusion, after considering the energy and time they devote in the job, the risk they can not avoid in career, and the contribution they have created to public, the gap of salaries between them and common people is not unreasonable. After all, they have sacrificed more, so they deserve more.
开头:值得高薪
一:付出了更多的汗水
二:职业风险系数高
三:对社会做出了更多的贡献
结尾:重复前文
这篇文章 写了结尾,结果时间果然不够用,超时了5分钟
[[i] 本帖最后由 tuolingphecda 于 2008-7-5 15:58 编辑 [/i]] With the increasing income gap between rich and poor, common people are becoming used to complain that some celebrities, such as athletes, singers, and film stars, did not deserve their high salaries, perhaps millions of dollars per year, according to their contribution to the society. However, I maintain that they can accept rewards-money, esteem, honor-undebatably, which is equal with the value they create to the whole world.
People always think it is not fair that the money they earn by working for a year is less than that the singers acquire though singing five or six songs in a theatre. This phenomenon is very common. The truth is that people usually ignore that those entertainers have to spend lots of time and make a surprising effort to ensure no mistakes made on the stage while appraising them. For instance, when you are relaxing yourself, watching TV or chatting online, these famous people may be rehearsing outdoors under a hot sun, or doing an interview by certain journalists with an air-stomach. Moreover, there are some unpredictable accidents athletes or entertainers may encounter. A muscle problem may disable athletes walking when they get older, using voice cord excessively can result in aphonia.
Furthermore, the universe is running under a proverbial rule-exchange equally, so anything which rebel this rule will be eliminated by the nature. Although currency plays an important role in everyone’s life, we can not measure every contribution made by people in term of money. Contributions can be classified by functions: creating new property to the people, which is tangible asset; appeasing people’s hearts, which is invisible but really existent. So we can not simply estimate athletes’ behavior on the racing ground, even think running, their only activities, is useless for our country. Singing a song, for example is more than a physical progress by vibrating one’s voice cord. When we feel anxious, listening country music can calm down our feelings. When we feel faint, pop music could encourage us to fight with troubles. When we have nothing to do, classical music can teach us to comprehend the elegance of nature.
From all mentioned above, I can safely make a conclusion that those famous people deserve their salaries which conform to their contributions to the society and their efforts, maybe little talent.
第一段， 提出问题，同意
第二段， 成功背后的付出
第三段， 不能用钱来衡量他们的贡献
第四段， 结尾 点题。 [font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]When we are talking about the salaries of famous athletes and entertainers, the answers of different people are diverse. In recent years, some famous athletes and entertainers earn millions of dollars every year. Although some people agree with the extremely high salaries of the famous athletes and entertainers, in my side, I think these people should not be paid millions of dollars each year for two main reasons.[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt] [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]Firstly, famous athletes and entertainers should focus on their careers, not their salaries. Even there are different characteristics between athletes and entertainers, both of them have to improve themselves to face their opponents, to keep on the progress in their stage. In order to accomplish their careers, to break the records, to face the challenges from themselves as well as their opponents, they should pay more attention to train themselves. In fact, they earn high salaries because of their hard work. Without achievements during their careers, it is impossible for them to possess high salaries. For example, Chien-Ming Wang, a pitcher leading his team to win the most games in MLB from 2006, was not paid million of dollars a year. These superstar should pay more attention to their work, not what they earned. [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt] [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]Secondly, the more salaries the famous athletes and entertainers earn, the more expenses we should paid to their bosses, their sponsors, and so on. In [/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]America[/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=13.5pt], most of them spend their holidays watching a baseball game. Due to the superstars in Yankees, we are obliged to paid more to enjoy our holidays. In order to possess some things recommended by the famous superstars like shoes, bags, and so forth, we have to pay more because of their high salaries. Even the famous athletes and entertainers earn millions of dollars a year, their bosses and sponsors still the last winners. [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt] [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]To sum up, there are still many people think that the famous athletes and entertainers deserve millions of dollars every year. However, to focus on their careers, to maintain the expenses we paid to enjoy their performance, I disagree with the high salaries of these superstars.[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]選擇不同意[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]第一個原因是這些名星要專注於自己的成績...等而不是薪水[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]第二個原因是這些明星領越多錢相對的我們也會花更多錢[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]最後總結[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]這次超時了[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]覺得自己寫這一篇文章遇到的問題是[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]運動員和演員其實是兩種不太一樣的工作[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]但是題目這樣問我回答時可以只挑一種回答嗎[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]因為要這同時回答覺得很難寫[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]又有點不知所措[/size][/font] 我最近放暑假返鄉
家裡的電腦安裝qq系統會當
暫時就不用qq了
回复 4# orangebug 的帖子
Among people who possess the most fortune in the world, a great number of them are athletes and entertainers.They earn millions of dollars every year, live in massive houses and drive luxurious cars. Under spotlights, they seem to have the perfect life that everyone else wanted. While some people argued that these [color=blue]people(ones)[/color] do not deserve such high salaries, I [color=red]however(删)[/color] hold the opposed opinion [color=blue]against the argument(与opposed重复)[/color] for the following reasons:[color=blue]The high salaries of famous athletes and entertainers are not free.(表达上有些问题，instead of earning money easily, athletes and entertainers acquire their high salaries for making more efforts than others.)[/color] We should not [color=blue]limit ourselves to ( merely focus our sights on)[/color] the perfect life they exhibit under the spotlights on stage. However, we should rather take a [color=red]step further(further step)[/color] to look at the sacrifice they make for the high salaries. Let's take the famous NBA basketball player Kobe Bryant as the example[color=red], (.)[/color]he earns millions every year, he also runs millions miles and [color=red]practicing(practice)[/color] shooting for millions times each year. He understands the theory far better than the others that no pain no gain; success is only there for the people who are well-prepared.
Famous athletes experience injuries and pains for myriad times that we probably would never get to know. On the other side, entertainers like movie stars and singers also work hard. When we have fun with our family watching TV or having a weekend picnic, these stars are busily flying from [color=red]cities(one city)[/color] to another, attending different promotions or [color=red]runways(?).[/color] Simplest things like to have an ordinary dinner with families or even to call friends are hard, for [color=red]that (delete)[/color]they do not only belong to their own world but the whole world. In some cases, they do not enjoy the privacy as normal people do. Their pressures are also extraordinary. They have to control their emotions carefully so that they do not destroy their impression in front of the public. [color=lime]There are several examples of famous people who suffered from depression and committed suicide which may indicate the hardness they are facing不错[/color].
Last but not least, these famous people also make salient [color=blue]contribution(s)[/color] to our society. They are people who make ourl ife more colorful. Music, movies and sport games bring people together to enjoy their time. Moreover, a majority famous people are chartable pioneers who act as good examples to help the poor, the homeless and the disables. They use their[color=red] pathos(?)[/color] to make our society warmer and more[color=blue] solicitous(?).[/color]
To conclude, I think famous athletes and entertainers deserve to earn high salaries for their outstanding abilities, hard working and the significant contribution they make to our society.
总体还好，有些地方表达中文化，一些单词使用不太恰当，建议不要用金山词霸
还有就是有些单词中间没有空格
段和段之间最好一使用关联词，否则层次感不好
奇怪我记得我已经交过了。。。难到我记错了？
[font=Times New Roman]Some people may complain that they are unfairly treated because they toil all day long in office just for a hundred RMB per day while some famous peoples, say movie stars or singers show a few seconds in the advertisements but earn millions Yuan. Therefore, they claim that those people do not deserve such high salaries and their salaries should be reduced. However, I do not agree with the idea.[/font][font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]First, the property of jobs differs, the social and economic value of those jobs can bring about varies too, naturally their salaries are different. For example, with equally eight hours of working time, the money a farmer can earn surely cannot challenge that of a CEO of a foreign company. It does not make sense to raise the income of the farmer or to reduce that of the CEO, because during the same eight hours, the social and economic value the CEO create is much greater than that of the farmer can do, and that is exactly the base on which they are evaluated with money. The famous people earn high salaries either because of their hard work or because of their special contribution which make them influential and popular among common people. For instance, Olympic Games Champions earn honors for our country or films stars entertain us with their excellent works. They earn such high salaries because the social or economic value worth it or at least, people who like them are wiling to pay that high salaries to them-businessmen take advantage of their popularity and persuade consumers to buy commodities recommended by those famous people. So as long as they earn their money legally, there is no reason we should lower their salaries.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]Moreover, in the respective of a healthy competition mechanism, we should encourage the norm that one earns its salary according to their work. Because if the income of every people, no matter how hard they work, no matter what they have contributed to this society, is distributed equally as some people suggested, it will do harm to one's work spirit. No one would really try hard since the outcome is the same. After all, wealth is also one of the most important standards of being successful in modern world. [/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]However, though it is meaningless to reduce the high salaries of some famous people, it is absolutely meaningful to levy high tax on them. To establish a prosperous, harmonious and stable society, a large gap between the rich and the poor should be avoided. Otherwise, the angry of poor people would give rise to riots. For example, many European countries demand a very high tax, some as high as eighty percent of a rich man’s salary in order to afford to a prevalent welfare system, which will benefit many average and poor people. In this way, famous people would still work hard to earn their reputation and high salaries without feeling being discouraged and the average people will not envy their wealth while also have the legal right to enjoy social welfare. [/font]
[font=Times New Roman][/font]
[font=Times New Roman]In a word, I think famous athletes and entertainers deserve what they earn since they earn it either through their hard work or their outstanding achievements. But for the interests of the whole society, they should be taxed heavily.[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]1. [/font][font=宋体]赞同他们的高薪水[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]2. [/font][font=宋体]他们薪水高是因为他们创造的社会和经济价值值得这些高薪，而喜欢他的人们也愿意为他们掏钱，[/font][font=Times New Roman]([/font][font=宋体]呵呵，这个是不是有点谬论了呢，一个愿打一个愿挨啊[/font][font=Times New Roman])[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]3. [/font][font=宋体]从良性的竞争机制来看应该鼓励多劳多得（这段好像写的就泛泛了，说理也不够）[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]4. [/font][font=宋体]建议要对高薪的人征收高税收，这是为了社会公平和稳定，以欧洲的高税收养福利为例。[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]5. [/font][font=宋体]结尾[/font]
[font=宋体]这次好像还写了不少，不过还是大错了很多字，宁愿少写点，余点时间检查才好呢。下次注意了！自己修改了下语法和错字，第二段结构改动比较大，呵呵，原来写的没什么条理。[/font] ::14 有的人作业还没交啊？本来今天想改作业的
on tuolingphecda
[font=Verdana][size=4]Undoubtedly, nowadays famous athletes and entertainers [color=red]earn(我觉得earn和life搭配不好，一般是说earn a living或者earn somebody a living.这里用live或者lead都可以)[/color] much [color=blue][color=black]better[/color] [/color]life than ordinary people, including not only reputation but [color=black]also salaries[/color]. The gap of [color=blue]income(前面用了income的话这里用wealth吧)[/color] between famous persons and the public has increased greatly, so many individuals begin to criticize whether[color=red] they(感觉有些指代不清。按我的理解，这里应该是指的famous persons,不过也容易认为是many individuals。指代不能让读者去理解，必须很清晰)[/color] should be paid several even dozens times salaries comparing with the average. From my own standpoint, I support those famous athletes and entertainers deserve the high income, because of their hard work, high risk, and contribution to the society.As the old saying goes,[color=blue] no sacrifice, no gain,(引用的话是不是要加引号?我也不清楚)[/color] [color=red]no matter famous athletes or entertainers(有点问题,你想表达什么?),[/color] they all have devoted unimaginable energy and time into the career. Ten minutes’ [color=green]sparkling[/color] performance on the stage may mean ten-year hard work and [color=red]numerous sweats(sweat应该是不可数的，那么加s和用numerous修饰都不好)[/color]. Most of them left family and friends to take tough training when they were only four or five years old, and by contrast many of the ordinary people [color=red](加)at[/color][color=red] [/color]that time were enjoying the happy childhood. Every penny they earn is not [color=blue]a case(small case的case吗?可以就说easy)[/color]. So I perceive their sacrifice[color=blue] is doomed[/color][color=blue](doom似乎跟失败联系更紧密,可以把be doomed 改为meant)[/color] to bring their high salaries.
Furthermore, to be famous athletes and entertainers means the most glorious [color=green]heyday [/color]in career can just [color=blue]continue(last)[/color] several years. When athletes step into their 30th birthday or entertainers face the [color=green]decrepitude[/color] of appearance, they have to say goodbye to favorite job and the public. So once they choose to step in this career, they should take the high risk. If the athlete[color=red]s[/color] get heav[color=red]ily[/color] hurt in the training or competition, [color=red]or[/color] if the entertainer can not earn the love from the public, their whole hard work before all [color=red]is[/color] [color=green]unavailing[/color]. What’s worse, the accidents in competition or performance even can make them [color=red](去掉)be [/color]handicapped or even [color=blue]die(和or前面的形容词平行的话dead稍好)[/color]. No long ago, there were several instances [color=blue]that(应该是where更好)[/color] football players got sudden death during the competitions. And some years ago, Huang Jiaju, one of my favorite singers, died of dropping from the high stage. As the famous athletes and entertainers face so high risk, certainly they must get an equal [color=red]repay(应该是只能作动词的，改reward)[/color].
In addition, the famous athletes and entertainers also have made outstanding contribution to the society. Athletes through their performance inspire us to be higher, be quicker, be stronger and continually climb to higher peak. Entertainers as well play a significant role in entertaining individuals that they bring persons happiness and relaxation after tired work and study[color=red]([/color]这句话有点乱啊，我不理解they是指的什么。that的从句是修饰individuals吧？而且after tired work and study似乎容易理解为是entertainers在这个时候bring happiness。另外应该是tiring[color=red])[/color]. From this perspective, they surely deserve the earning.
In conclusion, after considering the energy and time they devote in the job, the risk they can not avoid in career, and the contribution they have created to public, the gap of salaries between them and common people is not unreasonable. After all, they have sacrificed more, so they deserve more.
[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=4][font=Helvetica]开头:值得高薪
一:付出了更多的汗水
二:职业风险系数高
三:对社会做出了更多的贡献
结尾:重复前文[/font][/size][/font]
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[font=Verdana][size=4][font=Helvetica]思路清晰。正反两个方面论证都有。第二点的举例很恰当[/font][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=4][font=Helvetica]有一些高级词汇。句子也不错。不过有一些语法和搭配的问题[/font][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=4][font=Helvetica]总的还是不错，加油！[/font]
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[[i] 本帖最后由 tostudyinusa 于 2008-7-13 20:08 编辑 [/i]]
补交作文
[font=Verdana][size=12pt]As the recreation industry boosts dramatically in the past few decades, famous entertainers earn huge sum of money. The income of eminent athletes has exponentially increased due to the flourishing sports causes as well. Every time a reputed pop star appears in public, thousands of his or her devoted fans will pay high fees to watch the live show. Similarly, a popular basketball player may earn hundreds of thousands of dollars in a season. These people are constantly the cynosure of all eyes and media companies. Admirers are more than willing to thrust money to them in order to take their pictures or to watch their performances. Some critics may question the luxury of the famous entertainers and athletes, claiming that they hardly make any virtual contribution to the society. However, I would argue that the celebrated sportspeople and entertainers certainly deserve their wealth.[/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=12pt][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=12pt]It is a common consensus that people earn money according to their contributions. Scientists make discoveries and breakthroughs in scientific fields while teachers convey knowledge and ideas to students. How about entertainers and athletes? The seemingly fewer or less significant contributions are what the opponents would most like to use as a proof of overrated incomes of famous athletes and entertainers. The truth is that they actually contribute considerably to the entire society. One telling example is the "King of pop songs", Michael Jackson. He is loved globally for his expressive music and charitable deeds. In fact, he did not simply throw money to charity foundations; he participated in social activities which were aimed at reducing poverty and starvation. Using his scintillating brilliance in music, he also composed several songs whose themes are healing the world. People around the planet have been singing these songs and mentally encouraged by the true love and care the songs express. He is aware of his immense influence on the mass and makes use of it to appeal for peace, development and future of all human beings. Because of all these feats he achieved and the responsibilities he assumed, Michael is well-deserved for however much money he earns.[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=12pt][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=12pt]Despite their iconic status and untold wealth, those renowned sportsmen and entertain also make enormous effort and take high risks that are beyond the imagination of ordinary people. The great amount of money earned by those preeminent athletes and entertainers is readily noticeable, but what many people largely ignore is that they have tried assiduously to attain this status and put even harder to keep it. Facing fierce competition from peers, they have to survive in rigid training and practice. It takes great talent, time and energy to stand out and stay distinguished. A case here is the Cameroonian soccer player Vivien Foe. He successfully came through the intense physical and technique training since childhood and adolescence and eventually made an international soccer star. He then kept working hard as a professional midfielder. Unfortunately, in his attempt to win the honor of Africa Cup, he died due to a sudden heart attack in a fast match.[/size][/font]
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[font=Verdana][size=12pt]In conclusion, top sportspeople and famous entertainers rightly deserve high incomes owing to their great contributions, efforts and risks.[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=12pt]写了40min,不过居然写了500+...写忘形了[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=12pt]观点是支持他们赚很多[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=12pt]理由是贡献很大;需要很努力而且有很大风险。[/size][/font]
[[i] 本帖最后由 tostudyinusa 于 2008-7-13 21:57 编辑 [/i]]
和大家分享一篇相关的范文
[font=Verdana][size=7][color=blue][b][u]和大家分享一篇相关的范文[/u][/b][/color][/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=5][color=blue][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=5][color=blue][b]这是大师L.G.Alexander(大家知道是谁吧。就是编写NCE的英语教学专家)编的一本叫做《For and Against》(《英语辩论手册》)里的一篇文章。我觉得和这次的题目非常relevant，大家可以看看这篇文章是如何论证的[/b][/color][/size][/font]
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[font=Verdana][size=5][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=5]‘Pop stars certainly earn their money’[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=5]Pop stars today enjoy a style of living which was once the [color=green]prerogative[/color] only [color=green]of[/color] Royalty. Wherever they go, [color=green]people turn out in their thousands to greet them[/color]. The crowds go wild trying to [color=green]catch a brief glimpse of[/color] their smiling, colourfully-dressed idols. The stars are transported in their [color=green]chauffeur-driven Rolls-Royces, private helicopters or executive aeroplanes.[/color] They are surrounded by a permanent [color=green]entourage[/color] of managers, press-agents and body-guards. Photographs of them appear regularly in the press and all their comings and goings are reported, for, like Royalty, pop stars are news. If they enjoy [color=green]many of the privileges[/color] of Royalty, they certainly share [color=green]many of the inconveniences[/color] as well. It is dangerous for them to make unscheduled appearances in public. They must be constantly [color=green]shield[/color]ed from the adoring crowds which idolize them. They are no longer private individuals, but public property. The financial rewards they receive for this sacrifice cannot be calculated, for their rates of pay are [color=green]astronomical[/color].[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=5]And why not? Society has always rewarded its top entertainers [color=green]lavishly[/color]. The great days of Hollywood have become legendary: famous stars enjoyed fame, wealth and [color=green]adulation[/color] [color=seagreen]on an unprecedented scale[/color]. By today’s standards, the excesses of Hollywood do not seem quite so spectacular. A single gramophone record nowadays may earn much more in royalties than the films of the past ever did. The competition for the title ‘Top of the Pops’ is fierce, but the rewards are truly [color=green]colossal[/color].[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=5]It is [color=green]only[/color] right that the stars should be paid in this way. Don’t the top men in industry earn enormous salaries for the services they perform to their companies and their countries? Pop stars earn vast sums in foreign currency-often more than large industrial concerns-and the taxman can only be grateful for their massive annual contributions to the exchequer. So who would [color=green]begrudge[/color] them their rewards?[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=5]It’s [color=green]all[/color] very well for people in[color=green] humdrum[/color] jobs to [color=green]moan[/color] about the successes and rewards of others. People who make envious remarks should remember that the most famous stars represent only [color=green]the tip of the iceberg[/color]. For every famous star, there are hundreds of others struggling to earn a living. A man working in a steady job and looking forward to a pension at the end of it has no right to expect very high rewards. He has chosen security and peace of mind, so there will always be a limit to what he can earn. But a man who attempts to become a star is taking enormous risks. He knows [color=green]at the outset[/color] that only [color=green]a handful of[/color] competitors ever get to the very top. He knows that years of concentrated effort may be rewarded with complete failure. But he knows, too, that the rewards for success are very high indeed: they are the [color=green]recompense[/color] for the huge risks involved and if he achieves them, he has certainly earned them. [color=green]That’s the essence of private enterprise.[/color][/size][/font]
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[font=Verdana][size=5][color=green]我觉得语言非常地道，第一段的一些平行结构非常好，用词非常丰富（比如表示“大、多”的形容词）而恰当（两个副词only和all的使用），也很高级（entourage, humdrum, recompense）。[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=5][color=green]思路和逻辑清晰，理由也很convincing.大家可以欣赏借鉴一下
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[[i] 本帖最后由 tostudyinusa 于 2008-7-15 10:02 编辑 [/i]]
on threetigers107
[size=3][color=green][font=Times New Roman]Some people may complain that they are unfairly treated because they toil all day long in office just for a hundred RMB per day while some famous peoples, say movie stars or singers show a few seconds in the advertisements but earn millions Yuan.[/font][/color][color=green][font=新細明體]（這個開頭感覺很好）[/font][/color][color=green][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/color][/size][size=3][font=Times New Roman]Therefore, they claim that those people do not deserve such high salaries and their salaries should be reduced. However, I do not agree with the idea.First, the property of jobs differs, the social and economic value of those jobs can bring about varies too, naturally their salaries are different. For example, with equally eight hours of working time, the money a farmer can earn surely cannot challenge that of a CEO of a foreign company. It does not make sense to raise the income of the farmer or to reduce that of the CEO,[color=blue] because during the same eight hours, the social and economic value the CEO create is much greater than that of the farmer can do[/color][/font][color=blue][font=新細明體]（感覺不夠完整，無法認同[/font][/color][color=blue][font=Times New Roman]CEO[/font][/color][color=blue][font=新細明體]比農夫更多價值）[/font][/color][font=Times New Roman], and that is exactly the base on which they are evaluated with money. The famous people earn high salaries either because of their hard work or because of their special contribution which make them influential and popular among common people. For instance, Olympic Games Champions earn honors for our country or films stars entertain us with their excellent works. They earn such high salaries because the social or economic value worth it or at least, people who like them are [color=blue]wiling[/color][/font][color=blue][font=新細明體]（[/font][/color][color=blue][font=Times New Roman]willing[/font][/color][color=blue][font=新細明體]）[/font][/color][/size][size=3][font=Times New Roman] to pay that high salaries to them-businessmen take advantage of their popularity and persuade consumers to buy commodities recommended by those famous people. So as long as they earn their money legally, there is no reason we should lower their salaries.
Moreover, in the respective of a healthy competition mechanism, we should encourage the norm that [color=blue]one[/color] earns its salary according to [color=blue]their[/color] work.[/font][color=blue][font=新細明體]（[/font][/color][color=blue][font=Times New Roman]one[/font][/color][color=blue][font=新細明體]和[/font][/color][color=blue][font=Times New Roman]their[/font][/color][color=blue][font=新細明體]沒有對應）[/font][/color][font=Times New Roman] Because if the income of every people, no matter how hard they work, no matter what they have contributed to this society, is distributed equally as some people suggested, it will do harm to one's work [color=blue]spirit[/color][/font][color=blue][font=新細明體]（覺得用[/font][/color][color=blue][font=Times New Roman]spirit[/font][/color][color=blue][font=新細明體]怪怪的，建議寫[/font][/color][color=blue][font=Times New Roman]it will do harm to one’s enthusiasm to work[/font][/color][color=blue][font=新細明體]）[/font][/color][/size][size=3][font=Times New Roman]. No one would really try hard since the outcome is the same. After all, wealth is also one of the most important standards of being successful in modern world.
However, though it is meaningless to reduce the high salaries of some famous people, it is absolutely meaningful to levy high tax on them.[/font][color=blue][font=新細明體]（這個想法很好，我覺得應該寫因為這些名人已經繳高額的稅，所以降低他們的薪水是不合理的。）[/font][/color][/size][size=3][font=Times New Roman] To establish a prosperous, harmonious and stable society, a large gap between the rich and the poor should be avoided. Otherwise, the angry of poor people would give rise to riots. For example, many European countries demand a very high tax, some as high as eighty percent of a rich man’s salary in order to afford to a prevalent welfare system, which will benefit many average and poor people. In this way, famous people would still work hard to earn their reputation and high salaries without feeling being discouraged and the average people will not envy their wealth while also have the legal right to enjoy social welfare.
In a word, I think famous athletes and entertainers deserve what they earn since they earn it either through their hard work or their outstanding achievements.[color=blue] But for the interests of the whole society, they should be taxed heavily.[/color][/font][color=blue][font=新細明體]（覺得這句是多的）[/font][/color][/size]
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[/size]
[size=3][color=blue][font=新細明體]感覺多勞多得的意思沒有寫完整[/font][/color][/size]
[size=3][color=blue][font=新細明體]貌似時薪相同做越久領越多[/font][/color][/size]
[size=3][color=blue][font=新細明體]不過如果不是這曾意思[/font][/color][/size]
[size=3][color=blue][font=新細明體]又和第一個論點相同[/font][/color][/size]
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[/size]
[size=3][color=blue][font=新細明體]文章裡的想法都很清楚[/font][/color][/size]
[size=3][color=blue][font=新細明體]論證的部份如果可以更完整會更好[/font][/color][/size] [quote]原帖由 [i]ly-xiao653[/i] 于 2008-7-8 17:55 发表 [url=http://bbs.taisha.org/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=12068671&ptid=1079701][img]http://bbs.taisha.org/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
Among people who possess the most fortune in the world, a great number of them are athletes and entertainers.They earn millions of dollars every year, live in massive houses and drive luxurious cars. ... [/quote]
谢谢你的修改
很受益::z5
回复 2# threetigers107 的帖子
nk_tomoyo请假了这次on tostudyinusa
[size=3][font=Verdana]说明一下。以下的修改都是吹毛求疵，觉得改老大的作文最痛苦了，老是改不出。::21 [/font][/size][size=3][font=Verdana][/font][/size]
[size=3][font=Verdana]As the recreation industry boosts dramatically in the past few decades, famous entertainers earn huge sum of money. The income of eminent athletes has exponentially increased due to the flourishing sports causes as well. [color=blue](第一次读的时候觉得太太突然，衔接不够，后来才发现后面有as well，没什么大问题吧，只是我会将衔接词放中间．其实觉得文章开头as引导的原因里面也加上体育事业好了，原因结果都对应起来，而不是只有entertainers)[/color]Every time a reputed pop star appears in public, thousands of his or her devoted fans will pay high fees to watch the live show. Similarly, a popular basketball player may earn hundreds of thousands of dollars in a season. These people are constantly the cynosure of all eyes and media companies. Admirers are more than willing to thrust money to them in order to take their pictures or to watch their performances. [color=blue]（弱弱问一下，帮我解释一下more than willing的用法好不？这个句子的具体翻译是什么？我知道大体的意思。。。）[/color]Some critics may [color=blue]question（觉得如果用质疑比较确切，怀疑嘛，总是一半一半的可能性，反对者们应该是有很强的倾向的，问题不大呵呵）[/color] the luxury of the famous entertainers and athletes, claiming that they hardly make any virtual contribution to the society. However, I would argue that the celebrated sportspeople and entertainers certainly deserve their wealth[color=blue].（我忘了，argue后面是跟被反对的观点还是自己要说的观点啊？要我写肯定that后面是相反的那种说法，好严重的问题啊，帮帮忙，谢谢）
[/color][size=12pt][/size]
[size=12pt]It is a [color=blue]common consensus（觉得consensus就能表示广泛共识了，common可删，本来也不是什么大词汇，个人意见）[/color] that people earn money according to their contributions. Scientists make discoveries and breakthroughs in scientific fields while teachers convey knowledge and ideas to students. How about entertainers and athletes? The seemingly fewer or less significant contributions are what the opponents would most like to use as a proof of overrated incomes of famous athletes and entertainers. [color=blue]（加个转折吧呵呵）[/color]The truth is that they actually contribute considerably to the entire society. [color=lime]One telling example（是不是这么用啊？学习下）[/color] is the "King of pop songs", Michael Jackson. He is loved globally for his expressive music and charitable deeds. In fact, he did not simply throw money to charity foundations; he participated in social activities which were aimed at reducing poverty and starvation. Using his [color=lime]scintillating（看着我都不会读，深奥．才华横溢是伐？）[/color] brilliance in music, he also composed several songs whose themes are healing the world. People around the planet have been singing these songs and mentally encouraged by the true love and [color=blue]care the songs express（有疑问，麻烦解释一下，care & express的词性和意思，以及短语意思，谢谢了）.[/color] He is aware of his immense influence on the mass and makes use of it to appeal for peace, development and future of all human beings. Because of all these feats he achieved and the responsibilities he assumed, Michael is well-deserved for however much money he earns[color=blue].（迈克尔的例子前后的时态需不需要统一？）[/color][/size][/font][/size]
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[font=Verdana][size=12pt][color=blue]Despite（不用加of吗？后面跟着是短语．．．我不确定，谁给我扫扫盲。。。）[/color] their [color=blue]iconic（图标的？是表示巨大的，常人难以企及的意思吗？如画般？我不懂，麻烦了．．．）[/color] status and untold wealth, those renowned sportsmen and entertain also make enormous effort and take high risks that are beyond the imagination of ordinary people. The great amount of money earned by those preeminent athletes and entertainers is readily noticeable, but what many people largely ignore is that they have tried assiduously to attain this status and put even harder to keep it. Facing fierce competition from peers, they have to survive in rigid training and practice. It takes great talent, time and energy to stand out and stay distinguished. [color=lime]A case here（我就是没有别的表示举例子的短语，学习下）[/color] is the Cameroonian soccer player Vivien Foe. He successfully came through the intense [color=blue]physical and technique（ technique和前面physical的地位是相同的吧？是不是要形容词？还是专有搭配．）[/color] training since childhood and adolescence and eventually made an international soccer star. He then kept working hard as a professional midfielder. Unfortunately, in his attempt to win the honor of Africa Cup, he died due to a sudden heart attack in [color=blue]a fast mat[/color][color=blue]ch.（快节奏的比赛？我对比赛用词不是很在行，别介意．这个是不是ＦＩＦＡ的啊哈哈）（这么看，前面迈克尔的例子最好统一为过去时态，建议）[/color][/size][/font]
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[font=Verdana][size=12pt]In conclusion, top sportspeople and famous entertainers rightly deserve high incomes owing to their great contributions, efforts and risks[color=blue].（估计是急刹车的吧？呵呵，相信时间充足可以更好）[/color][/size][/font]
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[font=Verdana][size=3][color=#0000ff]老大，再次道歉．[/color][/size][/font]
回复 18# blue_scorpion 的帖子
[size=5]呵呵，没事没事。新规定只是为了保证大家的作文都能被修改。[/size]
[quote]The income of eminent athletes has exponentially increased due to the flourishing sports causes as well. (第一次读的时候觉得太太突然，衔接不够，后来才发现后面有as well，没什么大问题吧，只是我会将衔接词放中间．其实觉得文章开头as引导的原因里面也加上体育事业好了，原因结果都对应起来，而不是只有entertainers)[/quote]
赞同。确实可以在has 后面加also,而不是在最后用as well,这样衔接更好
[quote]Admirers are more than willing to thrust money to them in order to take their pictures or to watch their performances. （弱弱问一下，帮我解释一下more than willing的用法好不？这个句子的具体翻译是什么？我知道大体的意思。。。）[/quote]
more than后面加adj.就是表示非常的意思，more than就=very
这句话就是说，崇拜者们非常愿意塞钱给他们以求和他们拍照以及观看他们的表演。可能没表述清楚
[attach]555338[/attach]
[quote]Some critics may question（觉得如果用质疑比较确切，怀疑嘛，总是一半一半的可能性，反对者们应该是有很强的倾向的，问题不大呵呵）[/quote]
嗯，是可以去掉may,用doubt或者cast skeoticism on
[quote]However, I would argue that the celebrated sportspeople and entertainers certainly deserve their wealth.（我忘了，argue后面是跟被反对的观点还是自己要说的观点啊？要我写肯定that后面是相反的那种说法，好严重的问题啊，帮帮忙，谢谢）
[/quote]
其实argue就是“据理力争道”，“认为”，“主张”的意思，如果表示反对的话也可以啊，不过要加against something
下面是一些摘录的词典解释
朗文词典
[attach]555332[/attach]
柯林斯
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牛津高阶
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一个例句
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[quote]
[font=Verdana][size=3]It is a [color=blue]common consensus（觉得consensus就能表示广泛共识了，common可删，本来也不是什么大词汇，个人意见）[/color] [/size][/font]
[/quote]
嗯，确实重复累赘了，不需要common，要删掉
[size=12pt][b]telling example[/b][/size] 意思是有说服力的例证
[quote] [size=3][font=Verdana]encouraged by the true love and [color=blue]care the songs express（有疑问，麻烦解释一下，care & express的词性和意思，以及短语意思，谢谢了）.[/color][/font][/size]
[/quote]
嗯，这里是我没有写清楚，在正式的写作里是不好的。应该在care后面加一个which或者that，这样就清楚了。
[quote] [font=Verdana][size=3][color=#0000ff]（迈克尔的例子前后的时态需不需要统一？）[/color][/size][/font]
[/quote]
嗯，疏忽了，要统一。都是过去时
despite=in spite of， 后面都只能接名词或者名词性短语，不能接句子。
icon有“圣像”的意思，iconic意思可以看看柯林斯的解释
[attach]555336[/attach]
例句
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其实是上XDF的时候外教说的，学过来了
[quote] [size=3][font=Verdana][color=#0000ff]physical and technique（ technique和前面physical的地位是相同的吧？是不是要形容词？还是专有搭配．）[/color] training [/font][/size]
[/quote]
确实像你说的，and两边词性相同最好，但是我当时确实想不出来更好的平行了。反正technique确实是指的球员的技术。
[font=Verdana][size=3][color=#0000ff]a fast match就是激烈的比赛的意思，不记得是从哪里学来的了...好像不是FIFA[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=3][color=#0000ff][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=5][color=#0000ff]很感谢你的修改，很多收获，呵呵[/color][/size][/font]
[[i] 本帖最后由 tostudyinusa 于 2008-7-15 19:04 编辑 [/i]]
on bardin（代替修改）
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]When we are talking about the salaries of famous athletes and entertainers, the answers of different people are diverse. In recent years, some famous athletes and entertainers earn millions of dollars every year. Although some people agree with the extremely high salaries of the famous athletes and entertainers, in my side, I think these people should not be paid millions of dollars each year for two main reasons.[/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=13.5pt][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]Firstly, famous athletes and entertainers should focus on their careers, not their salaries. Even there are different characteristics between athletes and entertainers, both of them have to improve themselves to face their opponents, to keep on the progress in their stage. In order to [color=blue]accomplish their careers(这么搭配不太好，可以在accomplish后面加一个宾语比如success然后再写一个in和careers连接起来)[/color], to break the records, [color=red]and(to do的并列写得很不错，不过在最后一个的前面要加and)[/color] to face the challenges from themselves as well as their opponents, they should pay more attention to train themselves. In fact, they earn high salaries because of their hard work. Without achievements during their careers, it is impossible for them to [color=blue]possess(拥有？好像不太好。不过前面用过earn了，我也想不出来高级词，就说make吧)[/color] high salaries. For example, Chien-Ming Wang, a pitcher leading his team to win the most games in MLB from 2006, was not paid million[color=red]s(hundred，million这些词后面有of的时候都用复数)[/color] of dollars a year. These superstar should pay more attention to their work, not what they earned. [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]Secondly, the [color=blue]more(higher好些)[/color] salaries the famous athletes and entertainers earn, the more expenses we should paid to their bosses, their sponsors, and so on. In [/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]America[/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=13.5pt], most of them spend their holidays watching a baseball game. Due to the superstars in Yankees, we are obliged to paid more to enjoy our holidays. In order to possess some things recommended by the famous superstars like shoes, bags, [color=green]and so forth[/color], we have to pay more because of their high salaries. Even the famous athletes and entertainers earn millions of dollars a year, their bosses and sponsors [color=red]are[/color] still the last winners. [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]To sum up, there are still many people think that the famous athletes and entertainers deserve millions of dollars every year. However, to focus on their careers, to maintain the expenses we paid to enjoy their performance, I disagree with the high salaries of these superstars.[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]選擇不同意[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]第一個原因是這些名星要專注於自己的成績...等而不是薪水[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]第二個原因是這些明星領越多錢相對的我們也會花更多錢[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]最後總結[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]這次超時了[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]覺得自己寫這一篇文章遇到的問題是[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]運動員和演員其實是兩種不太一樣的工作[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]但是題目這樣問我回答時可以只挑一種回答嗎[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]因為要這同時回答覺得很難寫[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=13.5pt]又有點不知所措[/size][/font]
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[font=Verdana][color=blue]第二个理由觉得有些不能支持观点。像第一个理由里就点明了achievements, hard work和high salary的关系，这样就比较容易接受。[/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][quote]但是題目這樣問我回答時可以只挑一種回答嗎[font=Verdana][/font][/quote][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=blue]我觉得最好的当然是体育界的和娱乐界的明星都写一个作为例子。题目里面是and连接的嘛[/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=#0000ff]句法不错，基本没有问题。有两处平行写的不错。[/color][/font]
[font=Verdana][color=#0000ff]继续加油！[/color][/font]
on ly-xiao
With the increasing income gap between the rich and the poor, common people are becoming used to(be used to 有习惯于的意思后面是加doing，becoming与它一起用有点奇怪的说) complain that some celebrities, such as athletes, singers, and film stars, did not deserve their high salaries, perhaps millions of dollars per year, according to their contribution to the society. However, I maintain that they can accept rewards-money, esteem, honor-undebatably(没有查到这个词), which is equal with the value they create to the whole world.People always think it is not fair that the money they earn by working for a year is less than that the singers acquire though（through） singing five or six songs in a theatre. This phenomenon is very common. The truth is that people usually ignore that those entertainers have to spend lots of time and make a surprising effort to ensure no mistakes made on the stage while appraising them(这半句不知道是什么意思). For instance, when you are relaxing yourself, watching TV or chatting online, these famous people may be rehearsing outdoors under a hot sun, or doing an interview by certain journalists with an air-stomach（empty stomach）. Moreover, there are some unpredictable accidents athletes or entertainers may encounter. A muscle problem may disable athletes walking when they get older,and using voice cord excessively can result in aphonia.
Furthermore, the universe is running under a proverbial rule-exchange equally(这离不明白是什么意思), so anything which rebel this rule will be eliminated by the nature. Although currency plays an important role in everyone’s life, we can not measure every contribution made by people in term of money. Contributions can be classified by functions: creating new property to the people, which is tangible asset; appeasing people’s hearts, which is invisible but really existent. So we can not simply estimate athletes’ behavior on the racing ground, even think running, their only activities, is useless for our country. Singing a song, for example is more than a physical progress by vibrating one’s voice cord. When we feel anxious, listening country music can calm down our feelings. When we feel faint, pop music could encourage us to fight with troubles. When we have nothing to do, classical music can teach us to comprehend the elegance of nature.
From all mentioned above, I can safely make a conclusion that those famous people deserve their salaries which conform to their contributions to the society and （to）their efforts, maybe little talent.
第一段， 提出问题，同意
第二段， 成功背后的付出
第三段， 不能用钱来衡量他们的贡献
第四段， 结尾 点题。
第二点理由很好，根据他的功能来分类很有创意~~
不过文章里面有些句子我不是很理解，请解释一下。(不好意思，我这边不知道为什么颜色不能改，只有黑色，请多多包涵了~)
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