今天终于熬出了第一篇作文，极其忐忑，渴望平息抚慰。。
憋了好久，今天终于写了第一篇文章，可是写完才知道，题库上没有，因为我是按ets给的范文的题写的，但总是我的处女作，非常希望大家能给些意见！！！我这样的写法对么？需要怎么改进？
TOPIC: "The media (books ,films, music, television, forexample) tend to create rather than reflect the values of a society."
WORDS: 534 TIME: 1:34:58 DATE: 2008-7-2
The media tendency in the society
The first mention of the occurrence of multi-media like television, internet, films or music dose not happen until the beginning of 20th century - some 50 years after the human beings goes into the modern times. People will never forget the first excitement when the new types of media being introduced to the world, which, at least people believe is really significant not only to the daily life but also to the values of the whole society. One fact that exemplify this belief plausibly could be the films, which is used to reflect some scenery or view of valuation really exist in the life, something valuable will be communicated to the audience by this media.
Lest people think that with these new media, the values of society will be reflected more precisely and efficiently according to some newspaper argued. However, one fact, which is seen from the view of history of media, is overshadowed that the creation of values in the society plays more important role compared to the reflection of it. First of all, it is universally acknowledged that the media, for itself, the advent of it is a creation of the value. We still remember how the inventions of the media being worked hard on with perspirations by the scientists, without the pursuit of new values, they cannot persevere till the success. To the second place, with the help of the media, more valued in the society is being created through the human's history. Unaccountable examples like the success of corporation developed by the popularity of their ads through the television or internet prove that the new values are created by the media in every minute. What is more, people who hold the original opinion has also excluded a substantial fact: what lead to the development of the media?
This fact has two ramifications: first, it is the demand of value but the reflection of it that push forward the development of media, meanwhile, the creation of values plays a role in fulfilling the demand of people, then the values embodied by the reflection in every field of the world; second, the creation of new value lead to the new demand of value at the same time, which all the factors move into a consistent circulation to support the development of media finally.
One thing worth mentioning is that all the points stated above is from the negative aspect, which is in order to critique the original opinion held by most traditional people. A more compelling and positive conclusion is that the creation of the value lead to the development of media, while the reflection of the value lead to the enjoyment of media, when the demand of new value distracted from the present satisfaction, new creation is on the way.
To sum up, the values media brings to us, which could be embodied as the reflection of value should never be ignored; however, from the view of the history of media, creation of value will be more significant. Being a tendency, the creation should predominate the development of media, and the two interweaved factors - creation and reflection - will form the history of the whole media development.
不好意思，突然发现一个小问题。
第三段，ramification后面那句语法晕了。。。。应该是：first, it is not the reflection of the value but the demand of it that push forward the ......顺便说下我的思路吧：
我习惯设立一个攻击目标，然后从各方面，平行或递进或正反，驳斥原观点，这篇就是，而且三种辩证方法都用上了，不知能否看出来。
第一段，提出原观点：恐怕大多数人都认为reflection是media发展趋势，算是一个总的让步；
第二段，用两个并列的观点反驳原论点，一个是media本身就是一个creation，第二个是media促使更多的creation产生;另外我提出，原论点的坚持者忽略了一个实质性的问题：到底是什么导致了media的发展？
第三段，递进论证，上面提出的实质性问题还有两个分支：一个是对价值的需求而并非对价值的reflection促进了media的发展，而同时creation的出现满足了这样的需求；另一个是creation满足了demand的后，又产生了新的demand，然后进入了一个循环体系，成就了今天的media。
第四段，正反论证。我提出前面所有的观点都是反驳性的（negatively），而一个真正positive,compelling的观点是：creationg导致development,而reflection导致enjoyment，当需求从现有的满足中抽象出来时，creation就开始起作用了。
第五段，总结全文。reflection的作用不能被忽视，但放眼于历史发展的角度，creationg更有意义。所以作为一个tendency，creation应该主导，两个交织的因素共同促成了整个media的发展。
结束。
希望大家指点，这样写能上考场么？::p3
LZ继续努力
该死的浏览器，总是有问题::15[[i] 本帖最后由 wangliangcn 于 2008-7-3 01:41 编辑 [/i]] 刚写完，浏览器跳出个错误对话框把窗口给关了，郁闷::21
不好意思LZ，只仔细看了第一段，说一下我的看法
1.微观方面
语法错误有些多：基本的S-V agreement错误，然后article的用法有两三处出错,非限制性定语从句指示代词指代不明，附加中有写，lz参考
2.宏观方面
没仔细看全文，没有发言权，但是感觉lz的思路还是在锤炼一下，最好还是写成经典的5段：开头，first, second, third, 结尾（类似的结构哈）
第一段分两部分；开头交代background，很好啊；然后examplify给出TOPIC SENTENCE,不是很wise
读过G的阅读该知道，文章的结构一般是Topic sentence, structural elements, conclusion; 其中支持各段的topic sentence再用examples和supporting details
开头和结尾最好都用总结性，概括性，一般性的语句（不给例子了，本了写了一个的::97 ），看写经典开头结尾段吧，孙远和韦晓亮的书中都有
还有，不说LZ也晓得了吧，时间是个问题哦，不过刚开始，没关系了
加油::16
多嘴了，如有不妥，见谅见谅::11 赞一个，真的很仔细
::z5
回复 4# wangliangcn 的帖子
实在不好意思，这个太傻的功能不大会用，以为这个帖子沉了。。。非常感谢你给我的评价，不知最近你还来么？
确实语法上的问题我还得修改，以后在这些方面都会注意的！::z1
不过我现在最大的问题就是关于文章结构的问题。
我的issue写法有一套从GRE阅读中提炼出来的模板，大致是这样的：
1段，提出对题目的质疑，即个人观点。
2段，对原观点进行让步，导出我的观点进行批驳，有三个论点，前两个一一论述并且有例证，统计，引用等各种论据，而最后一个论点是个发展观点，在结尾点出，反映原体忽略了一些东西。
3段，对上面最后那个发展论点进行说明，并引出分支。
4段，综合三个观点，提出发展论点。
5段，总结全文。
G友说虽然我的模板结构新颖，有平行论证，递进论证，正反论证，逻辑也比较严密，文章也有升华。但主要的问题是：1，主要论点分布在一段，后面是第三个论点的分支，怕考官看多了一般作文，一下找不到我的论点，单看段落，以为我只有两个论点（实际上我有三个大论点，前两个拓展，最后一个论点递进分支，最后再反过来论证——negative-positive）；2，我习惯全文抨击原论点，他说我观点太倒向一边，可是我是全面驳论的。
谢谢，这两个问题会影响判卷么？我特别怕因此被忽略我的论证部分，请指点
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