1. 零散板油作文互改大贴（ISSUE）！请仔细阅读一楼要求，新规正式运行！
[size=4][color=red][b]重要提示：本贴仅为ISSUE习作互改！！[/b][/color][/size][color=white][/color]
[size=4]ARGUMENT互改请点击[url=http://bbs.taisha.org/thread-1146237-1-1.html]http://bbs.taisha.org/thread-1146237-1-1.html[/url]
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[align=center][size=5][b][color=red]前言[/color][/b][/size][/align]
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[size=4][color=darkred][size=4][color=black][b][size=3]互改作文[/size][/b][size=3]被公认为[b]最有效率、操作性[/b]的练习方法。大家[b]取长补短[/b]。[b]付出多少，得到多少[/b]。[/size][/color][/size][size=3][color=red][b]
为保证本贴的秩序，请大家[u]仔细阅读以下的条款[/u][/b][/color][/size][size=3][b][color=red]，[/color][color=blue]只需花2分钟即可。[/color][/b][/size][size=3][color=black]希望大家积极配合，严格遵守互改规则，这样最终大家[b]每一个人都是受益者[/b]。[/color][/size][size=3][color=darkred]
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[b]参与对象[/b]：[/color][/size][size=3][color=black]主要针对尚未加入任何小组的零散板油[/color][/size][size=3][color=black]，但[/color][/size][/color][/size][size=3][color=darkred][color=darkred][color=black]任何太傻版友都可以随时参加！[/color][/color][/color][/size][size=3][color=darkred] [color=darkred]
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[b]目标[/b]：[/color][color=black]互改作文。[/color]
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[color=darkred][b]原则[/b]：[/color][/color][/size][size=3][color=darkred][color=black][b][u]权力与义务对等[/u][/b][/color][/color][/size][size=4][color=darkred][size=4][color=black][size=3]，即当且仅当[color=red]帮[/color]别人改一篇习作方可获得[color=red]被[/color]别人改一篇习作的资格。[/size]
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[/color][/size][/color][/size][align=center][size=5][color=red][b]具体操作分三步[/b][/color][/size]
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[size=3]1、首先[/size][/b][size=3]跟帖占一层楼写上“占位改**楼”的字样，但是不急着修改，以防被人占楼；
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[b]2、然后[color=red]立马[/color][/b]将自己的一篇习作跟贴发上来；
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[/size][size=3]3、[b]第三步[/b]才是[b][color=red]返回编辑[/color][/b]第一个帖子[b][color=red]修改[/color][/b]别人的文章[/size][/color][/color][/size][size=3]。[/size]
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[align=center][size=4][color=darkred][size=5][color=red][b]注意事项[/b][/color][/size][/color][/size]
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[/align][size=3][color=darkred]（1）[color=red][b]选择楼层原则[/b][/color][color=red]：[/color][/color][/size][size=3][color=darkred][color=black][b][color=blue]接龙[/color][/b]——[b][u]按楼层由近及远顺序[/u][/b]选择[b]最近一楼[/b]的[color=blue][b]未被修改且具备被修改资格[/b][/color][/color][/color][/size][size=3][color=black]（点击每层楼左上角的“只看该作者”可知[/color]）[/size][size=3][color=darkred][color=black]的版友习作进行修改，一般是[b]你修改贴的上一楼[/b][/color][color=black]。[/color][color=darkred]不允许随意挑楼层的作文改，否则扣威望1分[/color]。
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（2）[color=red][b]特殊情况：[/b][/color][color=black]如果目前[u][b]没有可供修改的文章[/b][/u]，请[b][u]等上一楼贴出来[/u][/b]修改。
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[/color][color=black][color=sienna]（3）[/color][/color][color=red][b]违规将严惩：
A. 只允许接龙，不允许随意选择楼层修改，违者删待修改的习作！
B. 占楼须立马修改，在24小时内未完成修改的，扣1威望！
C. 只发习作，不修改他人习作者，删习作并扣1威望！
D. 修改他人习作应付差事者，视情况只加1－2威望！
E. 提倡发全文，对修改习作仅上传附件的版友，加威望会有所保留！
F. 互改两帖之外的帖子直接删除，有问题交流可发站内短信！[/b][/color]
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（4）[b][color=red]批改[/color][color=red]要求[/color][color=red]：[/color][u][color=black]认真、仔细、负责[/color][/u][/b][color=black]。
[b][u]在文中[/u][/b]进行[u][b]具体[/b][/u]的修改，[b][u]在最后[/u][/b]提出文字上、结构上、立意上等不同方面的较为完整的[b][u]评论[/u][/b]，以及，更为重要的是，[u]你的[b]建议[/b][/u]。[/color][/color]
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[color=black][color=sienna]（5）[/color][/color][color=red][b]习作要求[/b]：[/color][color=black]提交前首先自己[b][u]用word检查语法错误[/u]并自己改到满意为止[/b]，尊重别人的时间，别人也会尊重你的时间。为方便大家阅读，可以[b][u]附上自己的中文提纲[/u][/b]。[/color]
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[color=black][color=sienna]（6）[/color][b][color=red]如何编辑？[/color][/b]点击帖子右下方的“[b]编辑”[/b]按钮即可对已经发上的帖子进行反复编辑。[/color][/color]
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[color=black][color=sienna]（7）[/color][b][color=red]如何举报他人违规？[/color][/b]请去专用的投诉＋处理贴：[url=http://bbs.taisha.org/thread-1349164-1-1.html]http://bbs.taisha.org/thread-1349164-1-1.html[/url]，不要在本帖发布举报信息，以免破坏接龙规则。[/color][/color][/size]
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[size=3][color=darkred][color=blue][b]再一次重申总的原则：[/b][/color]
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[/color][/size][size=3][color=darkred][b]只有你[u]认真[/u]修改了别人的习作，别人才会修改你的习作！[/b][/color][/size][size=3][/size][size=2][color=black]
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[quote]
[size=4][color=blue][b]09.8.6更新：
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我已对规则进行了简化，请严格遵守！有问题或建议请PM我。
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追溯至2009年8月1日起，每一篇认真修改的文章，奖励3-5威望！
——comorain
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[[i] 本帖最后由 comorain 于 2009-9-26 14:02 编辑 [/i]] 以下为待修改的文章。
如有遗漏，请尽快短信通知我，或者跟贴都行
[[i] 本帖最后由 mike87227 于 2009-2-7 15:23 编辑 [/i]]
原361楼 lcfmaple大作
*** 该帖被屏蔽 ***原366楼 lokigao 大作
*** 该帖被屏蔽 ***原368楼 999max大作
*** 该帖被屏蔽 ***原372楼 creatorspears2大作
*** 该帖被屏蔽 ***原312楼 justKittyhawk大作
*** 该帖被屏蔽 *** [align=left][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]184. "It is a grave mistake to theorize before one has data."[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]在掌握足够资料之前建立理论会导致严重的错误。
The speaker asserts that before establish a theory we should have collected adequate data. However, from my point of view, I partially agree with the assertion, while we cannot overlook other possibilities under specific fields.[/size][/font][/align][/align][align=left][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]
Admittedly, in some fields, having enough data is the fundamental premise of establishing a theory. Only with sufficient information can we [color=#ff0000]analyse[/color][color=#008080]analyze[/color] the characteristic of this academic or social problem, sometimes only in this way can we find the best solution. Take the promotion of a new product for example. Before the company put the product into the market, the company should take a market survey to investigate what is the best way of promotion, how to nurture people's sense of acceptance, and which group of age is favorable to the new product. With these information, the company can achieve its goal directly instead of groping about the way and wasting a lot of time and money. A theory based on statistics is more convincing and practical.[/size][/font][/align][/align][align=left][align=left]
[font=宋体][size=10.5pt][color=#008080]（[/color]However, in other fields, does not dare to theorize before one has data may be harmful to one's further research.[color=#008080]）很中式英语[/color] The example of artists can aptly illustrate this point. As is known to all, inspiration and imagination always [color=#ff0000]be [/color][color=#008080]are [/color]the most important factors to artists. [color=#ff0000]Usually[/color][color=#008080]At the most of time [/color], artists are not likely to painstakingly create their works. They want their works to be [color=#ff0000]nature,[/color][color=#008080]natural[/color] full of passion, and can appropriately express their inherent feelings. So they would not suspend their sudden inspiration into creations until they have collected sufficient information. The art theories tend to be established in the process of practice and creativity.[color=#008080]艺术包含很广啊，可能是创作，也可以是艺术史研究，他们创作也不一定是基于灵感，也要基于实际的积累，素材的收集，感觉论证不详细。[/color][/size][/font][/align][/align][align=left][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]
Moreover, a sketchy theory sometimes may contribute to collect data. Without a direction of what the theory toward, the research and survey which put into practice, and the collection of background information may be lead to a wrong way. In this case, it will cost more and earn less. Under the guidance of a rough theory, people would more clearly know what preparatory work should be done before completely establish the theory. And after some statistics have been gathered, the sketchy can determine whether they are useful and valuable. Under this circumstance, we can theorize more correctly and easily.[/size][/font][/align][/align][align=left][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]
In conclusion, different fields has different requires. We should take actions based on [color=#ff0000]the characteristic situation[/color][color=#008080]fact-to-fact[/color], try to find the balance between establishing a theory and collecting relative data.[/size][/font][/align][/align][align=left][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt][color=#008080] [/color][/size][/font][/align][/align][align=left][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt][color=#008080]个人感觉，句式很中英，论证薄了些，还有论证时不放过先把中文提纲写好，逻辑上理清楚[/color][/size][/font][/align][/align][align=left][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt][color=#008080]加油！！突破这段时间就光明拉[/color][/size][/font][/align][/align][align=left][align=left][font=Calibri] [/font][/align][/align]
[[i] 本帖最后由 pmj07 于 2009-2-8 21:21 编辑 [/i]] 我的 谢谢楼下拉
227. It is more important to allocate money for immediate, existing social problems than to spend it on long-term research that might help future generations."
与其花钱进行可能有助于后代的长期性研究，还不如把钱花在迫在眉睫，已经存在的社会问题上。
It is a complex affair to determine whether more money and energies should be spent on the existing, immediate social problems or on the long-term research that might be beneficial for the next generations. I prefer the analysis depend on fact-to-fact.
It is human nature to solve the imminent problems that might offer us more advantages. Someone cannot work better if he/she under starve, while we may have a better understanding of the present social problems after the systematical study of history. AIDS is probably the most severe diseases human society are facing at the present time, in fact, we may face more severe diseases in the future, however, whether it is necessary for the government and funds to offer large money for a unknown, but more severe disease? Absolutely the answer is no. For the puzzles that have made a great challenge of the current situation, it is unreasonable and uneconomical to allocate money for the potential issues that might be beneficial for us.
On the other hand, allocate money for the present issues may be conducive for the future development. In large areas of China, deteriorated environmental situation has become a dreadful threat of the present living as well as the future development. The first aim of the local government and citizens is to solve these puzzles, however, these effort also provide a possibility for the long-term development. Wash away soil, caused by the over deforestation, not only directly reduce to productivity of land, but also produces grievous natural disasters. The efforts to solve this problem will not only render better living circumstances for the present livings, it enable the descendant to live in this land as well. In this sense, we could hardly assert whether their endeavors are aiming at the immediate issues or the long-term puzzles, because their efforts on the current problems will undoubtedly bestow a bright future for their next generations.
However, expectations existed when we concern the energy issues. Oil seems provide endless power for the modern society, but there is day it will be run off. Great efforts have made to find replaceable resources. Solar energy, nuclear energy and hydrogenous battery are all the efforts we have made. However, more energies and money are still devoted into these researches and probably unprofitable progresses take a large part of it. It is possible to spend these money for the better use of oil, yet, researches on the replaceable energy are indispensible. Hence, when discussion comes to these affairs, we could generate the conclusion that investment on the long-term researches sometimes cannot be substituted be the immediate problems, though these affairs will bring us a considerable interest.
In sum, from the analysis we have make above, we have to make the conclusions that choices between these two parts should be on the concrete situation. Any assertion omits the reality will inevitably induce fallacy. Use our mind, we may make the right choice. 改4#，原366 [size=5][color=red][size=7pt][font=Times New Roman][size=14pt][color=#000000]The speaker indicates that every individual should obey the just laws and resist unjust ones. I agree with the statement insofar as only the just laws can protect our rights. However, to evaluate a law is just or unjust is rarely a straightforward issue since we do not know by whose authority we can decide some certain laws are just and others are unjust. The subjectivity would lead to nothing but chaos. In my opinion we should work to have the unjust laws changed instead of only disobeying or resisting them.
To begin with, to justify whether a law is just or not is difficult. Some laws which are regarded as just by one person may strike another as unjust, because different people have different views about justice of particular laws according to their own personal standard of morality. For example, some people may consider smoking in public places as violence against their civil rights while others may not have such feeling since they have the habit of smoking, in this case,[/color][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]（[/size][/font][size=14pt]. [/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]结束这个句子，不然太长了[/size][/font][size=14pt]~~[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]）[/size][/font][size=14pt][color=#000000] whether a smoking ban law is just or not[/color][color=red]([/color][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]建议去掉[/size][/font][size=14pt]or not)[/size][size=14pt][color=#000000] is not an easy question to answer, because the fairness of a law is often subjective.
Moreover, law plays a significant role in our society. It helps to maintain a peaceful, orderly, and relatively stable society[/color][color=red](circumstance[/color][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]，用一下词语替换[/size][/font][size=14pt])[/size][size=14pt][color=#000000]. For example, the obedience of traffic code can ensures[/color][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]（[/size][/font][size=14pt]ensure[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]）[/size][/font][size=14pt][color=#000000] traffic safety. The limitation of government power may protect[/color][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]（[/size][/font][size=14pt]help[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]）[/size][/font][size=14pt][color=#000000] the citizens against tyranny and bureaucracy. In order to live a peaceful life and maintain a stable society, we should obey all[/color][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]（去掉[/size][/font][size=14pt]all,[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]这段说所有的[/size][/font][size=14pt]law[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]都应遵守，下文在提出[/size][/font][size=14pt]however[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]就不好自圆其说了）[/size][/font][size=14pt][color=#000000] the laws although some of which seem displeasing to us.[/color][/size]
[font=宋体][size=14pt]这段论证有些单薄，可以再扩充一下，可以论证一下[/size][/font][size=14pt]if without law[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]的情况，[/size][/font][size=14pt]for instance[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]一下更好[/size][/font][size=14pt]
[color=#000000]However, law should not [/color][color=red](be)[/color][color=#000000] stand still[/color][color=red](stand still
adj.)[/color][color=#000000]; it must change with the changing[/color][color=red](development[/color][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]同义替换[/size][/font][size=14pt])[/size][size=14pt][color=#000000] [/color][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]（[/size][/font][size=14pt]of[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]）[/size][/font][size=14pt][color=#000000]social concepts and values. It is our obligation to have[/color][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]（[/size][/font][size=14pt]make[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]）[/size][/font][size=14pt][color=#000000] the law which inhibits social development changed instead of simply disobeying or resisting them. in every democratic society, people have an avenue to express their displeasure with unjust laws and have them changed in a democratic way. Churchill once remarked: democracy is the worst form of government except for all those other forms that have been tried from time to time; we should obey the rule of democracy if we live in a democratic society. [u]However, what if we live in a society of tyranny? if that is the case, maybe disobeying and resisting the unjust laws could be the only resort.[/u][/color][color=red]([/color][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]这句话放在这里很别扭，与你本段的论述不搭调，你这段论证的是通过[/size][/font][size=14pt]change[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]，而最后总结收尾却说[/size][/font][size=14pt]disobeying and resisting[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]也行，应加强及自己的观点去自圆其说。这一段总体来说写的不明白，总觉得是想要引用这个名言才从论点“凑”到与这个名言有关的地方来，不知我的感觉对不对，呵呵，毕竟，[/size][/font][size=14pt]change a law[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]而不是一味的忍耐才是你想要论证的，建议把这段的后半部分再好好的修改一下吧[/size][/font][size=14pt]~~^_^)[/size][size=14pt]
[color=#000000]in sum, it is our obligation to obey the law, no matter just or unjust. at the same time, we should work to have the unjust law changed in a democratic way if we live in a democratic society.[/color][/size]
[font=宋体][size=14pt]我的看法：[/size][/font][size=14pt][/size]
[font=宋体][size=14pt]本文的结构比较清晰：先说明判断[/size][/font][size=14pt]law[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]是否[/size][/font][size=14pt]just[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]是困难的；再说对于[/size][/font][size=14pt]just [/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]的[/size][/font][size=14pt]law[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]我们应该[/size][/font][size=14pt]obey[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]；最后论述[/size][/font][size=14pt]unjust [/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]的[/size][/font][size=14pt]law[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]应该做出改变而不是[/size][/font][size=14pt]resist[/size]
[font=宋体][size=14pt]条理及逻辑方面希望作者能再完善一下，要紧紧抓住自己的论点，不然文章显得很散，主旨不明确[/size][/font][size=14pt][/size]
[font=宋体][size=14pt]字数有些少；[/size][/font][size=14pt][/size]
[font=宋体][size=14pt]有些句子开头不知道什么原因没有大写，小地方作者要多注意哦[/size][/font][size=14pt]~~~[/size]
[font=宋体][size=14pt]加油！继续努力[/size][/font][size=14pt]~~~[/size]
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[[i] 本帖最后由 emily_ymj 于 2009-2-7 22:52 编辑 [/i]] 我的作文~~狂拍吧~~谢谢啦~~
[font=Times New Roman]TOPIC: ISSUE186 - "Practicality is now our great idol, which all powers and talents must serve. Anything that is not obviously practical has little value in today's world."[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]I fundamentally agree with the speaker that practicality is now our great idol, which powers and talents must serve. However, the speaker overlooks the fact that something, such as ideal, which are not practical have more value than practicality for human beings.[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]Practicality, which means that the stuff is close to people and usually used in our daily lives and works, has been a goal which researches and studies want to get. Obviously, improving the practicality can increase the development of society and raise efficiency of produce and life. To achieve this goal, scientists and inventers create many great productions. To satisfy the entertaining demands, the television has been invented. To make food reserve longer than before, fridge was showed up in the world. These are so practical that we basically use them everyday. So, it is reasonable that practicality regard as an idol.[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]However, only to seek the practicality, it will lead to abeyance of the development of society. Many creative ideas which have significant value will be hided. It is like golden lost in the dark night. In the field of science, if our all powers and talents serve for the practicality, what will happen? History proved that the usefulness of a new invention would be displayed after many years, even many generations. Contemporary sometimes do not have interested in the new invention which considered strange and unpractical. For instance, the plane initially is just as an invention which only to achieve the unbelievable flying dream of human beings. After several generations, now, plane becomes a favorite and necessary transportation for a long trip in our daily lives. Science and technology must develop faster than economy and other fields in order to progress. So, we need many creative ideas lighten our minds.[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]The value of one thing does not only reflect in the practical aspect. In usual, it would be established at the promotive function. As we all know, art and literature always serve for our spiritual realm. Paintings and novels can not substitute food to solve the hungry problem. But, they supply for us a rich world and satisfy the feeling and sense of sight. Meanwhile, we find that the esthetical arts make us pleasure and promote our taste of lives. We will discover the positive parts which impact the attitude to life. Such as the famous painting called sunflower created by the great artist-Van Gogh-give many people hope to survive when they feel the world is full of sadness and desperation. Could we ignore its influence? A celebrity once said (and I paraphrase): arts is like a compass when you lost your way in the sea, it always guilds you to the light.[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]In conclusion, practicality as a standard is a great idol and makes efficiency. Nevertheless, practicality is not equal to all of the value. Both creative minds and spiritual support are worth developing in order to complete the society in today’s world. It is valuable as long as we use our talents and powers to serve for the development of society.[/font] *** 该帖被屏蔽 *** [align=left][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]31. "Money spent on research is almost always a good investment, even when the results of that research are controversial."
[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]花在研究上的资金基本上都是不错的投资，即使研究的结果是有争议的。
I absolutely approve with the writer’s basic [color=#ff0000]point of view [/color][color=#008080]viewpoint [/color]that it will be a beneficial investment [color=#ff0000]of spending money [/color]on the reaches[color=#ff0000] that are probable and reasonable[/color]. But when the writer extended his statement to all fields of the researches without any distinctions, I do seriously requite further and deeper considerations.
[color=#ff0000]There’s[/color][color=#008080]It is[/color] no doubt that [color=#008080]([/color]money invested[color=#008080])investment[/color] on the reach is beneficial in most of the time since the positive result it brought out can promote the development of the technology [color=#008080]and ([/color]leading[color=#008080])[/color] to the batter modification of our living conditions. Ever year, billions of money is being spent on the researches of technology not only by [color=#ff0000]the [/color]government but [color=#ff0000]as well as [/color][color=#008080]also by [/color]the private institutes. It is this investment that [color=#ff0000]enables us to bring our life and[/color][color=#008080]escalate our[/color] living standards to a upper level with more advanced cell phone that make our communication much more convenient, more powerful computer chips that make the equipments more calculated. However, there is still a part of people on the opponent opposition argue that[color=#ff0000] some[/color] those investment sometimes seem to be quite unreasonable and even a waste of money. They brought the investment on the military for evidence contesting that this investment not only was a waste but also destructing the peace of our society and even our planet, as the example of the nuclear attack on Japan leaving the nuclear broom region be fatal for any living lives. Even those evidences are inarguable, but we also should realize that how the world would be if there was no nuclear technology? It would be a world without sufficient energies that power our cities; it would be a world immerged in the black could and forge that released from the combustion of fossil coal and oil; it would be a world people suffering [color=#008080]from [/color]starving and famine caused by the global warming and the unpredictable weather.
Meanwhile, it is also momentous for us to distinct and to isolate the researches that are considered as a wasted of resources. But those people may still challenge my view by questioning that what is the standard of the distinction or how do we acknowledge that the research is a waste of resources without the unknowable results? As far as the knowledge I obtain, investment on researches that are technologically acceptable and would benefit all the human being should be identified as a profitable program even it is controversial. Take the technology of cloning for instance, in [color=#ff0000]the level[/color][color=#008080]term[/color] of morality, it is cogitated as [color=#ff0000]violently demolishing the humanity;[/color][color=#008080]violent demolishment of humanity[/color] but when comes to the human future, it definitely have a huge positive influence on the history even it is a long term result. However, when the investment is placed on the research, as [color=#ff0000]for [/color]the opposition of the revolution, it is doubtlessly a squandering the limited resources and would never contribute any profit to the human development.
In conclusion, it is crucial for the investor to apply multiple considerations, [color=#ff0000]like [/color][color=#008080]such as [/color]the possible outcome of the research, the significance to human development and our society and the [color=#ff0000]limiter[/color][color=#008080]limitation of[/color] resources, before spending [color=#ff0000]the[/color] money on the project.[/size][/font][/align][/align][align=left][align=left][font=Calibri][color=#008080] [/color][/font][/align][/align][align=left][align=left][color=#008080][font=宋体]语法错误挺多的，还有论证上也不严整，既然认为投资有回报是判断标准，那么对于在道德上带来的挑战涵以及对于人类未来的关系是否应该详细论述？[/font][font=Calibri] [/font][font=宋体]还有个人觉得饿科龙是个极其争议的案例，论证清实在不容易，可不可以采用下新能源开发，新技术研发的案例？[/font][/color][/align][/align][align=left][align=left][font=宋体][color=#008080]加油！！！[/color][/font][/align][/align]
[[i] 本帖最后由 pmj07 于 2009-2-10 16:53 编辑 [/i]]
占座改7楼 justKittyhawk
任何问题，欢迎交流[[i] 本帖最后由 Show_Rain 于 2009-2-8 22:38 编辑 [/i]]
我自己的
TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."WORDS: 678
In this issue topic, the author divides this topic into two folds: one is whether the society's destination is determined only by children's socialization. Another one is whether or not people have already found the right way to raise our children. I concede that the degree of children's socialization might affect a society's future, but considering building a better society, only depending on children's socialization is not enough. Besides, it is unfair to assume that we have no capability to raise our children and to direct them have a beautiful future.
Admittedly, to some extent, children's socialization determines not only individuals' future, but also the progress of the society. On the one hand, from the early stage of birth, one begins its trail of intercommunication with people surrounding them, while with the growing process continues, the range of activity becomes larger and larger, thus communications, or even conflicts expanded from family members to social persons including peers, teachers, partners and so forth, which needs more skills to handle. Through talks, social-works and debates with people in the society, we gain opportunity to obtain knowledge, receive job offers and chances for promotion, thus improve ourselves and achieve greater success. On the other hand, the whole society also makes progress by each one's socialization. No one can deny that team or company or even a nation's success can be achieved simply through several persons' hard work without cooperation which represents some kind of socialization. Within the development of the society, people, even in the isolated fields begin their teamwork with each other. A company should depend on cooperation, skillful manager of public relationship to sustain in this competitive world, which cannot be replaced by any departments or anyone in a company.
However, we must also recognize that only relying on such kind of socialization, individuals and groups cannot have any achievement. Individual's capability contains both non-intellectual and intellectual skills. Since the first day we enroll in the school, we start our journey in the knowledge kingdom which provide us methods to obtain learning skills to survive in this modern society. We honor Bill Gates as hero in the Internet technology realm due to his contribution of revolution in the computer-operating platform which has no relationship with his social works. Although John Nash lacks enough skills to handle with other persons, even feel horrible when talking with others, he was still crowned with Nobel Prize because of theory of playing games which impacts a lot in most of fields. Those achievements definitely cannot be innovated only by socialization.
Obviously, today's world provides abundant evidence to prove that people know how to raise offspring to build their future life. If not, how can we gain today's achievements or make the society prosperous? During the time when adults today work for the society to improve their living standard and provide better environment for their children, individuals also realize problems and acquire inspirations from their works. Since parents become to know the importance of education, they would prefer to send their children to the best schools. Through severe consequences of conflicts and wars, concepts of cooperation and globalization were introduced into children's textbooks to inspire them the indispensable position of the two words for human being's harmony and peace. From the example of Marin Luther King Jr., ethnical conflicts and human rights put into consideration in everyone's minds, even into the process of legislation, and also today's children never choose friends only through their skin's color, or have any prejudice due to ethical groups people belong to.
Children's future, to some extent, is also the whole human being's tomorrow. In most cases, we take it as a strict topic to discuss. To hold the hope that children need more cooperation and more capability to deal with the relationships with others, we cannot overlook other capabilities for world's development, such as intellect skills. On the other hand, individuals constantly learn lessons from daily works and transmit them to our offspring, thus cannot draw such conclusion that we know nothing about how to raise our children. TOPIC: "The best ideas arise from a passionate interest in commonplace things."
偶针对“best”和"commonplace"词语的模糊性反驳。还提出过分interest的害处，最后还指出idea 不单单来源于interest ，还有其他因素～
这个分析听着怎么像是argument,把issue写成argument是不可以的
I don't agree with the speaker about the assertion that best ideas arise from passionate interest in commonplace things .The assertion is both problematic and vague on several aspects. A great interest on a certain thing can give rise to a great idea from time to time.
开头最好加入一些背景性的介绍什么的,要不然真的成了argument了
'commonplace things' is a vague conception. What is commonplace to an expert in a certain field may seem extraordinarily abstruse to others .While a mathematician regards a set of fundamental formulas as commonplace things(things不要)with which everyone in the world should be familiar,others(people) who work as labourers or shop assistants or who have not ever entered middle school may find it difficult to recognize the symbols among the formulas , let alone understand the function of them and the wisdom behind.
最后需要点名commonplace的定义是相对的这句话
Additionally, the word 'commonplace' is too subjective. Anything is commonplace as long as the truth and regulations behind are exposed and everything is mysterious as long as we have not fully understand the mechanism. Today, heliocentric theory is acceptable(accepted) and commonplace to almost everyone----even a seven-year-old boy can tell that the reverse is ridiculous, yet this theory was considered sinister and offensive to the religion and those who favoured the truth were sentenced death including Copernicus,the founder of the theory, who was thrown into the fire.(这个例子和subjective差得比较大,倒是上段的例子更像是subjective, 而且这两端内容有一点重复)
Even if we omit the misuse of the vague conception 'commonplace', there still remains such question----What is the 'best idea '? Is it the most practical one or the most profitable or the one which render a great progress or even a science revolution .The answer depends on different kinds of fields .(the answer varies in relation to the field in consideration) In academic field, curiosity and passionate interest are of vital importance. It is the pure mystery of the world and the beauty of knowledge and wisdom that attract researchers and scientists to devote themselves tirelessly into the cause day and night .While the passionate interest serves as catalyst to those researchers ,businessmen may consider money as their ultimate goal . It is the desire to maximize profits and money that activate their mind rather than the passionate interest.What's more ,people of different cultural background hold their own definition of the value of best idea, and the criterion of their judgements obviously differ including the extent to which one is interested in things.
正文中出现三段属于定义段,这在北美和官范中应该是没有的,需要谨慎使用
Although there is some demerits in the assertion, there is no denying that interest can inspire one's mind and lead to good ideas. Many scientists grew up with a great interest of certain or manifold natural phenomenons who later on proved to be experts in the corresponding field and made important progress in explaining those phenomenons by substantiate their imaginative and insightful hypothesis.However,interest may bring about counterproductiveness as well.Inclination is almost impossible to be ruled out when one is obsessed with some research and observation.If the interest and desire to explain and manifest the object are too strong,chance are that personal preference may be infused into the study which can be traced from the given references and evidences.This is extremely dangerous for it may mislead the researcher away from the path to the truth.Perpetual motion machine,for example,was once the apple of many researchers' eye,but tantalizingly out of reach,because it simple disobeys the law of conservation despite the appealing illusion cherished by those innocent researchers that human will benefit from such machine in gaining never-failing power to solve the severe global energy deficiency problem and that he or she will be on the scroll of fame for good and all.
(题目不是让讨论interest in commonplace吗?这儿怎么变成讨论interest了?)
Last but not least,there are many factors and ways which can attribute to a great idea.Brainstorm,inspiration and inherence are all effective even necessary in creating a good idea.Yet the speaker confine all the factors to one point and neglect the others.
(这段论证不充分,需要多举举例或进行说明什么的…)
Interest is a precious gift bestowed by God.Unlike a cat who is interested in playing with a ball of wool,human can take good advantage of the gift by enlightening their minds and creating good ideas. While it is sure that a passionate interest is not the only way and the safest way to gain a great idea,no one will achieve anythings if he is not interested in them at all.
本文中有两个结构性的错误,一个是定义占了太多的篇幅,另外一个是后面的讨论commonplace都没关系了,
不知道你是用多长时间写的,我觉得写道550-600就够了,如果你是限时45分钟写道这么多当然最好,字数越多分越高
文章中一些表达还可以改进,建议作者削减一下长度,把更多的时间用来把表达法改得更地道一些.
另外很多地方的标点符号用得有误,应该是 abc, def(注意空格的位置)
此篇已改
上面是改的5#的,把我自己的再贴出来一下,把我自己的issue贴出来,大家猛拍
159"The human mind will always be superior to machines because machines are only tools of human minds."
By referring to machines, the author means cars, tractors and planes, as well as robots equipped with computer chips that imitates human mind. In my observation that in some circumstances machines have surpassed us, while in certain respects it is dangerous to have machines that overtake us, especially when the machines begin to think life humans. In fact the core of the problem lies at the very nature and purpose of machines.
To answer the question, I would have to first point out the purpose of machines. Ostensibly, the invention of machines is the direct results of developments in science and technologies. But this explanation overlooks the fundamental reason, the growing needs to solve the challenging social problems which men have failed solve with merely manual power. To travel faster, planes are invented; to write faster, typewriters are invented; to invade other countries- which amounts to a rather negative example of the invention of machines- guns and tanks are invented. In short, machines are, in their nature, no more than tools to increase the wealth of society and serve human kinds.
As is discussed above, the very nature and the purpose of the origin of machines determines that we should well expect them to be superior to us, so that the remaining tasks left to us will be less and much easier to handle, which we have accomplished thanks to the efforts of scientists and researchers in various fields. In case in point relates to the computer in airplanes. To control an airplane manually the pilots would have to collect and analyze the information concerning height, speed, precipitation, direction, other planes in the vicinity, etc, all by themselves, which added together prove to be impossible for any skillful and experienced pilots. Yet computers on the planes not only take over the duty of recording these data but also do all the calculations needed and make most of the decisions in place of humans. Thus the pilots have much less work to do and at the same time the accuracy and reliability of piloting is enhanced to a great extent. Regarding numerous similar examples, we should be delighted to see that machines have already overtaken us in reason and mechanical strength
However, if we allow the power of machines to run wild and to grow to such a state that it may one day pose a threat to human kind, the basic notion that machines are produced to serve the human kind is contradicted. Hopefully this may be realized with the advent of artificial intelligence in the foreseeable future. If no restrictions are imposed robots equipped with complicated computer systems are likely to be manufactured by cutting-edge scientists. And as we have witnessed the devastating power of atomic bombs and suffered worriedly from the shadow of an impending nuclear war, the threats of such innovations are conspicuous without any need of further explanations. To guarantee that the object of serving the people and provide humans with conveniences is not violated, humans should make sure that we are always superior, or put in another way, we have adequate means to keep all these forms of machines and robots under control.
In the final analysis, developments in the mechanical strength and logic of machines have surpassed humans in many respects, as is the requirements of modern society. But to prevent being dominated one day by the machines we ourselves created, scientists should conduct researches responsibly and the whole society should constantly watch out, to ensure that humans still hold the deciding power over machines.
[[i] 本帖最后由 mike87227 于 2009-2-10 15:47 编辑 [/i]] 秩序都乱了，我来重新排一下
之前没有修改的文章，我代为修改
[size=6][color=red]从我下面的楼层开始，重新按照一楼的秩序来[/color][/size]
[size=6][color=red][color=#000000][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]8[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]楼改[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]3[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]楼，[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]9[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]楼待改[/size][/font][size=12pt][/size][/color]
[color=#000000][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]10[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]、[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]11[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]楼改[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]4[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]楼，[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]12[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]楼待改[/size][/font][size=12pt][/size][/color]
[color=#000000][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]13[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]、[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]17[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]楼改[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]5[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]楼，[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]18[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]楼待改[/size][/font][size=12pt][/size][/color]
[color=#000000][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]15[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]楼改[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]7[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]楼，[/size][/font][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]16[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]楼待改[/size][/font][size=12pt][/size][/color]
[size=12pt][font=Times New Roman][color=#000000] [/color][/font][/size]
[color=#000000][size=12pt][font=Times New Roman]9[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=12pt]楼的修改：[/size][/font][size=12pt][/size][/color]
[color=#000000][font=宋体][size=12pt]第一段[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman][size=3]I prefer the analysis depend on fact-to-fact[/size][/font][/size][font=宋体][size=3]，建议改为[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][size=3][font=Times New Roman]the final judgment should based on case-by-case analysis[/font][/size][/size][/color]
[size=3][color=#000000][font=宋体]第二段[/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]whether it is necessary for the government and funds to offer large money for a unknown, but more severe disease? fund[/font][/size][font=宋体]和[/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]money[/font][/size][font=宋体]意思重复，而且既然是问句，[/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]whether[/font][/size][font=宋体]在这个地方就很别扭。建议改为[/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]Is it necessary for the government to fund for….[/font][/size][/color][/size]
[size=3][color=#000000][font=宋体]第三段[/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]deteriorated environmental situation [/font][/size][font=宋体]比较冗余，建议改为[/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]environmental deterioration[/font][/size][font=宋体]；[/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]first aim[/font][/size][font=宋体]改为[/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]priority[/font][/size][/color][/size]
[size=3][color=#000000][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]Body[/font][/size][font=宋体]第一段写的是支持拨款给现在[/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/color][/size]
[size=3][color=#000000][font=宋体]第二段写解决现今问题有利于将来，这一点感觉论证的比较牵强，建议多考虑一下[/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/color][/size]
[size=3][color=#000000][font=宋体]最后一段写解决将来的问题[/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/color][/size]
[size=3][color=#000000][font=宋体]整个文章和开头不是很匹配，开头说要具体事例具体分析，可是后面的文章并不对应。行文不够流畅，用法错误较多（很多我都没有改），建议多注意[/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/color][/size]
[size=10.5pt][size=3][color=#000000][font=Times New Roman]2/5[/font][/color][/size][/size]
[size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman][size=3][color=#000000] [/color][/size][/font][/size]
[size=3][color=#000000][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]12[/font][/size][font=宋体]楼的[/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/color][/size]
[size=3][color=#000000][font=宋体]第二段[/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]it will lead to abeyance of the development of society[/font][/size][font=宋体]，[/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]abeyance[/font][/size][font=宋体]改为[/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]stagnant[/font][/size][/color][/size]
[size=3][color=#000000][font=宋体]语言问题不是太大，其他的就懒得改了，大致感觉说一下[/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/color][/size]
[size=3][color=#000000][font=宋体]中式化表达比较多，这个要注意[/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/color][/size]
[size=3][color=#000000][font=宋体]第一段论证比较牵强，为了娱乐所以有了电视之类，这个和实用注意扯不上直接关系。[/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/color][/size]
[size=3][color=#000000][font=宋体]主题句建议表达的明确一点，不要指望阅卷的帮你看主题句[/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/color][/size]
[size=3][color=#000000][font=宋体]大致框架有了，建议在每一段的论述上多下功夫[/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/color][/size]
[size=10.5pt][size=3][color=#000000][font=Times New Roman]2.5/5[/font][/color][/size][/size]
[size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman][size=3][color=#000000] [/color][/size][/font][/size]
[size=3][color=#000000][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]16[/font][/size][font=宋体]楼[/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/color][/size]
[size=3][color=#000000][font=宋体]语言比较流畅，希望继续保持[/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]~[/font][/size][font=宋体]开头思路很清晰，把问题分成两个部分，后面的段落也很好的呼应[/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/color][/size]
[size=3][color=#000000][font=宋体]论证也比较充分，是限时写的么？相当不错呢[/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]~~[/font][/size][font=宋体]嗯[/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/color][/size]
[size=3][color=#000000][font=宋体]只有一个小地方有点异议：[/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/color][/size]
[size=3][color=#000000][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]Body[/font][/size][font=宋体]第一段看出你把[/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]socialization[/font][/size][font=宋体]定义成了和其他人的交流与合作，个人认为[/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]socialization[/font][/size][font=宋体]是一个孩子融入社会的过程，而不是融入社会的能力（后半段你强调交流合作的重要性去了）。如果要写[/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]socialization[/font][/size][font=宋体]是一种交流与合作，建议先定义一下[/font][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]socialization[/font][/size][font=宋体]。[/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/color][/size]
[size=10.5pt][size=3][color=#000000][font=Times New Roman]3.5/5[/font][/color][/size][/size]
[size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman][size=3][color=#000000] [/color][/size][/font][/size]
[size=3][color=#000000][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]18[/font][/size][font=宋体]楼[/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/color][/size]
[size=3][color=#000000][font=宋体]写的不错，思路比较有趣呵呵[/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/color][/size]
[size=3][color=#000000][font=宋体]条理希望再清晰点儿，主题句尽量写短一点，方便阅卷人很快的找到你的思路。另外注意长短句结合[/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/color][/size]
[size=3][color=#000000][font=宋体]再接再厉，加油[/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/color][/size]
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[/color][/size] TOPIC: ISSUE33 - "Creating an appealing image has become more important in contemporary society than is the reality or truth behind that image."
WORDS: 562 TIME: 00:45:00 DATE: 2009/2/9 17:25:47
Nowadays we are becoming mroe and more interested in appealing images, such as the package of the food, the outstanding box for the diamond, and good designing of the personal resumes. Thus the speaker suggest that creating an appealing image has become more important in contemporary society than is the reality or truth behind that image. While, I can not agree with this assertation since in which, the importance of an appealing image is overlooked. In fact, both of them are of great impacts at any realms of our social lives as well as the personal ones.
An appealing image does bring us great benefit and prove to be necessary. It is a basic principle which is easily understood, that appealing images definitely and directly means great attraction, which is fully proved in our daily lives, such as sales, communication and even job hunting. A well packed products offers great influence to the potential consumers and the sales can thus be greatly increased which provides us the answer why the manufacturers are so focusing on the design of the package of their products. And a good designed resume will earn one more opportunities for a desired position once the style attracts the human resource officers much. Furthermore, under some circumstances such as a formal conference, clothing, standing for the image of a person here, would increase your conference and respect from others, which to great extent, means easier access to success.
But an appealing image does not mean everything, since the reality and truth behind that forms the fundamentals. No matter what you are going for, a job hunting, a personal communication, or even for a business, credibility is the most essential and, decides mostly the final result. An appealing image increase the probabiltiy of one's success since it brings the chance, while, the most distinct factor that eventally lead to the success is the reality, such as the quality of the product, the true capability of an employee, and the ability of a commerical discussion, which proves to be more important. Just as a sales management will not purchase the products that are out the requirement of the quality they wish, that a human resource officer will never offer a position to the applicant who lacks the capability to take the due of that. Big Success, either for an employment or a business, can only occur when the reality is thoroughly convinced to be qualified.
A fatal failure will come if we are overlooking the reality but only the appealing images. As discussed above that the reality forms the fundamentals of the communication, which is mutual credibility, but once this fundamental is broken and the credibility is accordingly lost, we will never reach the successful business, employement or anything relevant, which will provide impede to the development of our economy and society finally. The example of the financial crisis that was from the subdiary loans which was suffering from the problem of incredibility partly explaines this.
In sum, an appealing image brings us more chance to success, but the reality behind that decides it. An appealing image without convinced reality will result in incredibility that breakes the fundamental of the mutual communication among the persons, which is formed under the truth behind the image. Only we are keeping a good balance of the image and its reality can the success come. 改十八楼
[size=11.5pt][font=Times New Roman]159"The human mind will always be superior to machines because machines are only tools of human minds."
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[size=11.5pt][font=Times New Roman][size=11.5pt]By referring to machines, the author means cars, tractors and planes, as well as robots equipped with computer chips that imitates[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]（[/size][/font][color=royalblue][size=11.5pt]imitate[/size][/color][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]）[/size][/font][size=11.5pt] human mind. In my observation that [b][color=#333399]([/color][/b][color=#333399]that[/color][/size][color=royalblue][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]应该去掉吧？[/size][/font][b][size=11.5pt])[/size][/b][/color][size=11.5pt] in some circumstances machines have surpassed us, while in certain respects it is dangerous to have machines that overtake us, especially when the machines begin to [u]think life humans[/u][/size][u][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]（？）[/size][/font][/u][size=11.5pt]. In fact the core of [color=#333399]the problem[/color][/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]（[color=#333399]什么问题？感觉有些指代不清[/color]）[/size][/font][size=11.5pt] lies at the very nature and purpose of machines.[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]（[color=royalblue]第一段好像没有明确对题目赞成或反对或部分支持的态度，我认为最后一句话应该明确表明观点吧？）[/color][/size][/font][size=11.5pt]
To answer the question[/size][color=royalblue][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]（[/size][/font][size=11.5pt]what question?[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]）[/size][/font][size=11.5pt],[/size][/color][size=11.5pt] I would have to first point out the purpose of machines. Ostensibly, the invention of machines is the direct results [color=#333399](result)[/color] of developments in science and technologies. But this explanation overlooks the fundamental reason, the growing needs to solve the challenging social problems which men have failed ([color=#333399]failed to[/color]) solve with merely manual power. To travel faster, planes are invented; to write faster, typewriters are invented; to invade other countries- which amounts to a rather negative example of the invention of machines- guns and tanks are invented. In short, machines are, in their nature, no more than tools to increase the wealth of society and serve human kinds.[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]（[/size][/font][color=royalblue][size=11.5pt]travel faster, write faster, invade other countries[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]就一定能增加社会财富造福人类吗？我感觉最好把这几个例子再演绎一下，再说两句解释）[/size][/font]
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As is discussed above, the very nature and the purpose of the origin([color=#333399]origin [/color][/size][color=royalblue][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]用在这里感觉和前面的[/size][/font][size=11.5pt]nature, purpose[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]有点重复[/size][/font][/color][size=11.5pt]) of machines determines that we should well expect them to be superior to us[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]（[color=#333399]这里的因果好像有点牵强[/color]）[/size][/font][size=11.5pt], so that the remaining tasks left to us[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]（[/size][/font][color=royalblue][size=11.5pt]remaining [/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]和[/size][/font][size=11.5pt]left to[/size][/color][font=宋体][size=11.5pt][color=royalblue]好像也有点重复[/color]）[/size][/font][size=11.5pt] will be less and much easier to handle, which[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]（[/size][/font][color=royalblue][size=11.5pt]which[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]的先行词是？[/size][/font][/color][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]）[/size][/font][size=11.5pt] we have accomplished thanks to the efforts of scientists and researchers in various fields. In[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]（[/size][/font][color=royalblue][size=11.5pt]A[/size][/color][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]）[/size][/font][size=11.5pt] case in point relates to the computer in airplanes. To control an airplane manually the pilots would have to collect and analyze the information concerning height, speed, precipitation, direction, other planes in the vicinity, etc, all by themselves, which[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]（[/size][/font][color=royalblue][size=11.5pt]all of which[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]会不会好一些？[/size][/font][/color][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]）[/size][/font][size=11.5pt] added together prove to be impossible for any skillful and experienced pilots[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]（[/size][/font][color=royalblue][size=11.5pt]pilot[/size][/color][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]）[/size][/font][size=11.5pt]. Yet computers on the planes not only take over the duty of recording these data but also do all the calculations needed and make most of the decisions in place of humans. Thus the pilots have much less work to do and at the same time the accuracy and reliability of piloting is enhanced to a great extent. Regarding numerous similar examples, we should be delighted to see that machines have already overtaken us in reason[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]（[/size][/font][color=royalblue][size=11.5pt]reason[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]推理的能力还没有超过人类吧[/size][/font][/color][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]）[/size][/font][size=11.5pt] and mechanical strength[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]（[color=#333399]这个例子是不是太长了，个人认为如果能简洁一些地证明机器在计算和储存信息方面的强悍会更好[/color][/size][/font][color=royalblue][size=11.5pt]~[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]结论句的两个方面和例子对应的不是很完美[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]）[/size][/font][/color][size=11.5pt]
However, if we allow the power of machines to run wild and to grow to such a state[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]（[/size][/font][color=royalblue][size=11.5pt]such[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]有点指代不明吧[/size][/font][size=11.5pt]~[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]）[/size][/font][/color][size=11.5pt] that it may one day pose a threat to human kind, the basic notion that machines are produced to serve the human kind is contradicted. Hopefully this may be realized with the advent of artificial intelligence in the foreseeable future. If no restrictions are imposed[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]（[/size][/font][color=royalblue][size=11.5pt]imposed on[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]）[/size][/font][/color][size=11.5pt] robots equipped with complicated computer systems are likely to be manufactured by cutting-edge scientists[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]（[color=#333399]这句话看不太懂？[/color]）[/size][/font][size=11.5pt]. And as we have witnessed the devastating power of atomic bombs and suffered worriedly from the shadow of an impending nuclear war, the threats of such innovations are conspicuous without any need of further explanations. To guarantee that the object of serving the people and provide[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]（[/size][/font][color=royalblue][size=11.5pt]providing[/size][/color][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]）[/size][/font][size=11.5pt] humans with conveniences is not violated, humans should make sure that we are always superior, or put in another way, we have adequate means to keep all these forms of machines and robots under control.[color=#333399]([/color][/size][font=宋体][color=royalblue][size=11.5pt]题目认为机器不会超过人类，我们最好也表明一下自己认为这种可能性有多大，原因是什么，然后再说如果要避免这样事情发生该做些什么[/size][/color][/font][size=11.5pt])
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In the final analysis, developments in the mechanical strength and logic[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]（[color=royalblue]和前面的[/color][/size][/font][color=royalblue][size=11.5pt]reason[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]一样，我认为这些现在还是人为设计的，机器还没有达到这样的高度吧？）[/size][/font][/color][size=11.5pt] of machines have surpassed humans in many respects[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]（[color=royalblue]在[/color][/size][/font][color=royalblue][size=11.5pt]m[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]和[/size][/font][size=11.5pt]s l[/size][/color][font=宋体][size=11.5pt][color=royalblue]上的发展在很多方面超过了人类，可以这样翻译这句话吗？感觉中文说起来有点别扭呢[/color]）[/size][/font][size=11.5pt], as is[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]（[/size][/font][color=royalblue][size=11.5pt]are[/size][/color][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]）[/size][/font][size=11.5pt] the requirements of modern society. But to prevent being dominated one day by the machines we ourselves created, scientists should conduct researches responsibly and the whole society should constantly watch out, to ensure that humans still hold the deciding power over machines[/size]
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[color=royalblue][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]作者的用词方面有很多值得学习的地方，而且绝大部分长句都能收放自如，语言功底可见一斑！！！我个人认为作者如果能够在首段结尾和正文每段开头更明确中心句会使文章更清晰，适时多使用一点短句也能起到好的效果[/size][/font][size=11.5pt]~[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]值得承认的是这种结论型文章的确不好写，思维也会很多样[/size][/font][size=11.5pt]~[/size][font=宋体][size=11.5pt]以上限于个人的理解能力有限，一定有很多不适之处，望见谅！嘿嘿[/size][/font][size=11.5pt]~[/size]
[font=宋体][size=11.5pt]互相帮助，共同进步呵！[/size][/font][/color][size=11.5pt][/size]
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[[i] 本帖最后由 遥瑶 于 2009-2-10 12:34 编辑 [/i]] [font=Times New Roman]我的Issue99，求拍！::z1 [/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]TOPIC: ISSUE99 - "In any realm of life-whether academic, social, business, or political-the only way to succeed is to take a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view. Pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, whereas idealistic views tend to be superceded by simpler, more immediate options."[/font]
[font=Times New Roman]WORDS: 683
TIME: 00:59:58
DATE: 2009-1-30 19:39:53[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]I am in favor of the speaker insofar as that pragmatic views and behavior sustain survival of human beings and play a crucial role in the course of pursuing success. However, when it comes to idealistic views, which seem to be opposite and contradictory to the practical ones, I argue that the former is of greater--at least equal--significance in comparison with the latter in the sense that idealistic views act as the compass and fuel to the progress of any realm of life.[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]Admittedly, practical views guarantee survival and tend to result in simple and immediate options, which are requisite in today's increasingly proficiency-pursuing society. It is the productive workers that determine the destiny of society. Take the academic field as an example, scholars have focused more on how to put their study to practice effectively, in other words, how to bring about considerable benefits to the public directly and visibly. In this way, their own realm will be more popular and further developed. Social values are at the same time achieved. It has been universally recognized that it will make more sense to apply the theory of abstract mathematics to economics and computer science and apply the breakthroughs of structural chemistry to material engineering. Moreover, a recent survey has showed that nearly 60 percent of students put the priority to the relative ease of finding a job or the needs of the economy when choosing their major in college, whereas about 70 percent of those undergraduates regard the wage level as the selection criteria. This reveals people's growing preference to pragmatism. After all, in this competitive era, the top concern of human is without doubt surviving.[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]Nonetheless, after deeper reflection, it can be surprisingly concluded that a sense of direction and interior passion of human beings are unfortunately at risk. People are seeking immediate fame and recognition with a rushing and frantic pace, at the sacrifice of individual interests and beliefs. They have been lost in the "forest" of materials with affluent quarries in hand but a hole in the sole. For instance, in the realm of business, it is pragmatic to maximize the benefits and minimize the costs, regardless of pollution to the environment. As a result, the consciousness and ability of innovation, which are the key points to a company's development, are overlooked. The citizens will also suffer from pollution. In this circumstance, staff in the company will naturally lose passion and the community loses vigor. Genuine progress will be just an illusion. Consequently, absolute realism is far from sufficient for success.[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]Therefore, idealistic views are more than necessary. This kind of view, as I personally defined, is an inspiring faith, a set of ideas or a value system instructing in our pursuit of long-run goals. On one hand, idealism serves as a compass. To an individual, it indicates where his or her interest and dream lies. To a community, it implies that the original and ultimate objective is the welfare of all its members. Only by identifying their ideal can people clarify what they are longing for. A clerk working for the Department of Human Resource, holding the belief that she can surely make a difference by selecting appropriate person to her company and offer the position to someone who needs and fits it, will probably be successful. When asked about what he is doing, one bricklayer answers with laying bricks and another constructing a mansion. But the most magnificent mansion will be built by the one replying that he is modifying the world. Actually, idealistic views largely determine the extent of success to which one can reach. On the other hand, everyone has unique potentials. It is idealistic views that stimulate those potentials, help make the best of them.[/font]
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[font=Times New Roman]To sum up, it is unfair to allege that idealistic views tend to be superceded by practical ones. Pragmatism enables people to survive, but what makes us human beings thrive is idealism in that where there is an absence of ideal, there is an absence of individual's true success and genuine progress of society as a whole.[/font]
该20楼
TOPIC: ISSUE33 - "Creating an appealing image has become more importantin contemporary society than is the reality or truth behind that image."Nowadays we are becoming mroe[color=Red](...more)[/color] and more interested in appealing images, such as the package of the food, the outstanding[color=Red](不知这个词是不是合适呢，outstanding是杰出的意思吧，形容一个盒子可能不大合适)[/color] box for the diamond, and good designing of the personal resumes. Thus the speaker suggest[color=Red](s)[/color] that creating an appealing image has become more important in contemporary society than is the reality or truth behind that image. While, I can not agree with this assertation[color=Red](assertion)[/color] since in which[color=Red](个人感觉这个in which有点多余)[/color], the importance of an appealing image is overlooked[color=Red](overlook貌似是忽略的意思)[/color]. In fact, both of them are of great impacts at any realms of our social lives as well as the personal ones.
An appealing image does bring us great benefit and prove to be necessary. It is a basic principle which is easily understood, that appealing images definitely and directly means[color=Red](mean)[/color] great attraction, which is fully proved in our daily lives, such as sales, communication and even job hunting. A well packed products offers great influence to the potential consumers and the sales can thus be greatly increased which provides us the answer why the manufacturers are so focusing on the design of the package of their products. And a good designed resume will earn one more opportunities for a desired position once the style attracts the human resource officers much. Furthermore, under some circumstances such as a formal conference, clothing, standing for the image of a person here, would increase your conference[color=Red](我猜应该是confidence吧...)[/color] and [color=Red](这里应该有另一个动词表示带来吧，increase one's respect没有这么一个搭配吧)[/color]respect from others, which to great extent, means easier access to success.
But an appealing image does not mean everything, since the reality and truth behind that forms the fundamentals. No matter what you are going for, a job hunting, a personal communication, or even for a business, credibility is the most essential and, decides mostly the final result. An appealing image increase the probabiltiy of one's success since it brings the chance, while, the most distinct factor that eventally lead to the success is the reality, such as the quality of the product, the true capability of an employee, and the ability of a commerical discussion, which proves to be more important. Just as a sales management will not purchase the products that are out the requirement of the quality they wish, that a human resource officer will never offer a position to the applicant who lacks the capability to take the due of that. Big Success, either for an employment or a business, can only occur when the reality is thoroughly convinced to be qualified.[color=Red](这一段有一个具体的例子会更好些吧，编一个什么我的XXX的故事）[/color]
A fatal failure will come if we are overlooking[color=Red](这里用现在时是为什么呢...)[/color] the reality but only the appealing images. As discussed above that the reality forms the fundamentals of the communication[color=Red](从前面看的话不只是communication吧，应该有一个更大类的词，或者可以把前面的说法改一下，因为communication跟job hunting什么的摆在一起就不是一个范畴的)[/color], which is mutual credibility, but once this fundamental is broken and the credibility is accordingly lost, we will never reach the successful business, employement or anything relevant, which will provide impede to the development of our economy and society finally. The example of the financial crisis that was from the subdiary loans which was suffering from the problem of incredibility partly explaines this.
In sum, an appealing image brings us more chance to success, but the reality behind that decides it. An appealing image without convinced reality will result in incredibility that breakes the fundamental of the mutual communication among the persons, which is formed under the truth behind the image. Only we are keeping a good balance of the image and its reality can the success come.
[color=Red]总体来说结构上很清楚的，不过貌似是因为计时的缘故，里面的小错误有一些，前面的我都挑了出来，后面的就没有挑了，这个放到word应该都可以标出来的，其实这也是我第一次改别人的作文，有什么不对的还请包涵。。。[/color]
贴上我自己的issue51，大家狠狠拍
昨天憋了n长时间憋出了人生的第一篇issue，大家狠狠拍，尤其是结尾，我想如果能有一个什么名人名言之类的就完美了可是我自己积累不够，希望大家帮忙。。。51. "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."
（569words）
Whether to provide a specifically designed education to meet individual need and interests has become a controversial question since people began to pay attention to improve the quality of education. From my personal point of view, I consider that the special education is indispensable.
Throughout the history, there have been many examples that a talented child became a normal person when he grew up due to the reason that he didn't receive the proper education. For instance, in Chinese history, there was a famous story about a boy named Zhong Yong, who was very talented at writing poems when he was just a little boy. No one doubted that he would be a great poet when he grew up. However, because of his parents didn't offer him any advanced education, the talent gradually disappeared. Finally, when he was about 20 years old, he totally lost his fantastic talent. It's a pity that he failed to develop and ameliorate his talent. What if he received education which could inspire his talent and encourage him to continue studying? Maybe he would become another excellent poet in Chinese history. But now, we can do nothing but sigh for this regrettable genius. From Zhong Yong's story, I believe everyone has seen the importance for specifically designed education.
Nowadays, it's more important to teach students in accordance of their aptitude. With the rapid development of the science and technology, everyone can locate their own interests, for they have so many fields to choose from. No one could do well in all the things. Bill Gates may not be good at basketball, while Kobe may have no idea about computer and operating system. Thus, what we should do is just to find out what we are good at, and then focus on it. And the society should provide us with the access to the specifically designed education in order to raise our interest and improve our ability. This situation is especially necessary in the athletic field. A potential athlete must be cultivated from childhood. If the same education is provided to every child, a future Olympic champion may be buried in the ordinary people. It's obvious that no one wants to see a genius waste his talent.
However, the specifically education is far from enough. We shouldn't hold the thought that we just need to enhance only one aspect which we are interested in. In the modern time, every one of us must have the basic common sense and knowledge for a living. Even if we are not interested in it at all, there is no alternative. The education on these aspects is not specially for some certain ones, but for all the members in our society. For example, the basic operations on computer, surfing on the internet to search for the needed information, a foreign language and so forth, all of these are our fundamental skills to struggle for a better life at present. Even assuming that you have astonishing talent, expect the essential education which can convert your talent into real ability, you still need some common education.
To conclude, education certainly will be effective when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student, for this method could encourage everyone to do what he prefers. Yet, at the same time, we can never ignore the basic common education, for it’s as crucial as the specifically designed education. [size=10.5pt][font=Calibri]51. "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."
[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Calibri]569words[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]）[/size][/font][size=10.5pt]
[font=Calibri]Whether to provide a specifically designed education to meet individual need and interests has become a controversial question since people began to pay attention to improve the quality of education.[color=#ff0000] From my personal[/color][color=#008080] In my[/color] point of view, [color=#ff0000]I consider that [/color]the special education is indispensable.
Throughout the history, there have been many examples that a talented child became a normal person when he grew up due to the reason that he didn't receive the proper education. For instance, in Chinese history, there was a famous story about a boy named Zhong Yong, who was very talented at writing poems when he was just a little boy. No one doubted that he would be a great poet when he grew up. However, because of his parents didn't offer him any advanced education, the talent gradually disappeared. Finally, when he was about 20 years old, he totally lost his fantastic talent. It's a pity that he failed to develop and ameliorate his talent. What if he received education which could inspire his talent and encourage him to continue studying? Maybe he would become another excellent poet in Chinese history. But now, we can do nothing but sigh for this regrettable genius. From Zhong Yong's story, I believe everyone has seen the importance for specifically designed education.
Nowadays, it's more important to teach students in accordance of their aptitude. With the rapid development of[color=#ff0000] the[/color] science and technology, everyone can locate their own interests, for they have so many fields to choose from. No one could do well in all the things. Bill Gates may not be good at basketball, while Kobe may have no idea about computer and operating system. Thus, what we should do is just to find out what we are good at, and then focus on it. And the society should provide us with the access to the specifically designed education in order to raise our interest and improve our ability. This situation is especially necessary in the athletic field. A potential athlete must be cultivated from childhood. If the same education is provided to every child, a future Olympic champion may be buried in the ordinary people. It's obvious that no one wants to see a genius waste his talent.[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt][color=#008080]感觉以上两端层次感不强，可以整合到一段中，先说不因材施教的害处，之后说必要性，再谈谈在现代社会中对个人，国家的意义。国家写写对创新，竞争力带来的益处[/color][/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Calibri][color=#008080]…..
[/color]However, the specifically education is far from enough. We shouldn't hold the thought that we just need to enhance only one aspect which we are interested in. In the modern time, [color=#ff0000]every one of us[/color][color=#008080] everybody[/color] must [color=#ff0000]have[/color][color=#008080]master[/color] the basic common sense and knowledge for a living. Even if we are not interested in it at all, there is no alternative. The education on these aspects is not specially for [color=#ff0000]some [/color]certain ones, but for all [color=#ff0000]the [/color]members in our society. For example, the basic operations on computer, surfing on the internet to search for the needed information, a foreign language and so forth, all of these are our fundamental skills to struggle for a better life at present. Even assuming that you have astonishing talent, expect the essential education which can convert your talent into real ability, you still need some common education.[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt][color=#008080]通识教育就只是为了谋生吗？是否可以谢谢是一个人的基本素质，比如历史，地理之类，还有些物理数学常识[/color][/size][/font][size=10.5pt]
[font=Calibri]To conclude, education certainly will be effective when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student, for this method could encourage everyone to do what he prefers. Yet, at the same time, we can never ignore the basic common education, for it’s as crucial as the specifically designed education.[/font][/size]
[size=10.5pt][font=Calibri][color=#008080] [/color][/font][/size]
[color=#008080][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]个人觉得最好开头就把主旨列出，这样比较干净，之后结尾再来总结升华一下。[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/color]
[color=#008080][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]再者，已开始论证通识教育的重要性，之后话锋一转，去论证因材施教是否更符合西方人的思维？先让步，再攻击（可能我受[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][font=Calibri]Argu[/font][/size][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]影响）。[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/color]
[color=#008080][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]感觉好多词很冗长，不干净，不要为了凑字数这样写哈[/size][/font][size=10.5pt][/size][/color]
[font=宋体][size=10.5pt][color=#008080]加油！！[/color][/size][/font][size=10.5pt][/size]
[[i] 本帖最后由 pmj07 于 2009-2-11 16:44 编辑 [/i]] 我的，希望大家狂拍
231The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records. [4]
摄像机可以如此精确有力地记录当代人们的生活，因此它已经成为比纸笔记录更重要的记录方式。
Does video camera become a more important form of documentation than written records? Admittedly, camera presents a vivid and direct documentation insofar as it is relevant to physical world, such as architecture, scenery, sports and so on. However, when it comes to the immanent world, written records is still a powerful tool helps us communicate with others and express emotion.
To begin with, using camera as a documentation to record our daily life is indeed a splendid invention of human civilization, which shows the dynamic, chromatic world before us. For instance, a kid could turn on the TV and watching his favorable carton shows, in TV, he may know how Jerry escape from Tommy and how he play trick with his “friend”. Even if someone who has not been to the Mount Everest, with the record of camera, it is possible to see how the mist cleared and the world’s highest mountain unfolded under the sunshine. In addition, sound could also be recorded by camera, sometimes it causes the illusion that you are back into the history. If you are an enthusiast of Mao, his declaration of the independence of PRC could be found, it’s an dramatic moment to know how he speaks. In short, camera could present more than ever, which enables us to record the sound, color and movement, largely enrich the information of human society.
However, written records still plays an essential role in the documentation of human civilization; in fact, written records couldn’t be replaced even in the future, while it will transform into something with new form to exist. In the ancient time, written records, presented as books, paintings and fresco, is a way to record knowledge. For instance, reading Bible indeed inspired large many people to live with love, and went through the dark days such as the World War Two. In addition, immanent emotion could be precisely recorded by words, as great masterpiece created during past thousands years, continuously move us and provide inspiration and wisdom of life. Furthermore, we still use words to record and express our emotion and daily life in modern society. Internet plays an indispensible role in this progress. Blog, website have become more and more vital in our daily lives and deeply influent our ways of communication, studying, travelling and even sleeping. In short, written records are still an efficient and precise way to describe the world, transform knowledge and even direct our life.
In sum, I would consider camera as a powerful supplement to written records. Inevitably, as the fast development of technology, more and more documental ways will appear, all of which will let descendents, historians, politics, architects have a better understanding of our current lives. Yet, written recorder will still be the fundamental way to record. 22#还没人改吧？我来改了 先把自己的贴出来
Issue 130: "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
The assertion that the speaker put forward seems plausible in some respects, however, the dual claim is one-sided and lack of sufficient evidences as far as I am concerned.
The first claim-- society's destiny hinges on how children are socialized, ignores the fact that the factors determining the destiny of society are not include socialization only. Admittedly, it should be conceded that how children are socialized today will influence the destiny of society in the future somehow. Children who grew up without healthy interaction with others may become a dissocial adult. Nevertheless, socialization is just one factor among those effecting the extent of one's ultimately contribution. If a person is well socialized while without endearing qualities such as honesty, probity, kindness, responsibility and so on, can anyone assure that such a person will contribute the society a lot? In the other hand, it is absurdly predicate that a person lack of socialization will poorly contribute to a better society. There are many counterexamples to refute the speaker's view. Take Chen Jingrun, a Chinese mathematician as an example. His work sets a milestone in proving Goldbach Conjecture. a world-class mathematical master once praised his work "like walking on the summit in the Himalayas". But he is a incommunicative and lonely person all his life. So the first claim is untenable.
Taking the second claim into consideration, I think the claim is too arbitrary. Nowadays, we have accumulated much knowledge about how to raise children to bring about a better society. As widely acknowledged, a better society has the character such as more cooperation, more tolerance, more self-confidence, more care of the vulnerable groups at least. According to today's education, it is not difficulty for one to find that our education has contained these things. Children will not only learn the knowledge, but also learn cooperation and tolerance when they get along with others in the school. It is also effective for parents to guide children to be more care about others and some social problems in daily life. Although there are some problems in our education system, it is quiet unreasonable to believing that current education fails. Our young generation, once thought to be brought in a honey jar and be cosseted, has shown that we can help construct a better society. Many of us have joined some volunteer organizations to help others. Last year, a devastating earthquake strike Sichuan Province in China, many volunteers came there to help the survivors reconstruct their home. Among them, there are many young people. We have also seen that young people pay much more attention to the social problems like environment pollution and make their effort to solve them. All the evidences show that the speaker's view are exaggerated and it is to be believed that what the young do in future will lead to the formulation of a better society.
Taking into account all these factors, we can get the conclusion that though some problems still exist, our education has been designed to raising them to bring about a better society and it is too one-sided to think that children's socialization today determines the destiny of society. 改22#
I am in favor of the speaker insofar as that pragmatic views and behavior sustain survival of human beings and play a crucial role in the course of pursuing success. However, when it comes to idealistic views, which seem to be opposite and contradictory（同义重复的词） to the practical ones, I argue that the former is of greater--at least equal--significance in comparison with the latter in the sense that idealistic views act as the compass and fuel to the progress of any realms of life.
Admittedly, practical views guarantee survival and tend to result in simple and immediate options, which are requisite in today's increasingly proficiency-pursuing society. It is the productive workers that determine the destiny of society.（这句话说得有点绝对） Take the academic field as an example, scholars have focused more on how to put their study to practice effectively, in other words, how to bring about considerable benefits to the public directly and visibly. In this way, their own realm will be more popular and further developed and social values are at the same time achieved. It has been universally recognized that it will make more sense to apply the theory of abstract mathematics to economics and computer science and apply the breakthroughs of structural chemistry to material engineering（罗嗦了点）. Moreover, a recent survey has showed that nearly 60 percent of students put the priority to the relative ease of finding a job or the needs of the economy when choosing their major in college, whereas about 70 percent of those undergraduates regard the wage level as the selection criteria. This reveals people's growing preference to pragmatism. After all, in this competitive era, the top concern of human is without doubt surviving.( 这个表达很奇怪，直接说survival还好些)
Nonetheless, after deeper reflection, it can be surprisingly concluded that a sense of direction and interior passion of human beings are unfortunately at risk. People are seeking immediate fame and recognition with a rushing and frantic pace, at（介词不对吧，感觉用with较好） the sacrifice of individual interests and beliefs. They have been lost in the "forest" of materials with affluent quarries in hand but a hole in the sole. （这个比喻不错）For instance, in the realm of business, it is pragmatic to maximize the benefits and minimize the costs, regardless of pollution to the environment.（为了和后面的多重后果对应，建议这里regardless后面不要跟一个具体的东西） As a result, the consciousness and ability of innovation, which are the key points to a company's development, are overlooked. The citizens will also suffer from pollution. In this circumstance, staff in the company will naturally lose passion and the community loses vigor. Genuine（这个词修饰progress有点奇怪） progress will be just an illusion. Consequently, absolute realism is far from sufficient for success.（这个表达也很奇怪，就说success就行了）
Therefore, idealistic views are more than necessary. This kind of view（s）, as I personally defined, is(are) an （kind of ）inspiring faith, a set of ideas or a value system instructing in our pursuit of long-run goals. On one hand, idealism serves as a compass. To an individual, it indicates where his or her interest and dream lies. To a community, it implies that the original and ultimate objective is the welfare of all its members. Only by identifying their ideal can people clarify what they are longing for. A clerk working for the Department of Human Resource, holding the belief that she can surely make a difference by selecting appropriate person to her company and offer the position to someone who needs and fits it, will probably be successful.(加个什么连接一下例子吧，两个例子就这么接着很突兀。比如another example about bricklayers tells us the same thing.或者作者补充一个更好的表达 ) When asked about what he is doing, one bricklayer answers with laying bricks and another constructing a mansion. But the most magnificent mansion will be built by the one replying that he is modifying the world. Actually, idealistic views largely determine the extent of success to which one can reach. On the other hand, everyone has unique potentials. It is idealistic views that stimulate those potentials （and ）help make the best of them.（这一段的论证很充分，很好）
To sum up, it is unfair to allege that idealistic views tend to be superceded by practical ones. Pragmatism enables people to survive, but what makes us human beings thrive is idealism in that where there is an absence of ideal, there is an absence of individual's true success and genuine progress of society as a whole.
总体感觉写得不错，论证时的那个类比很好，逻辑关系因此表达的较清楚。但用词有些啰嗦，少些同义词的并列罗列。这里没有全部指出来，读的时候这个感觉比较明显。然后不要为了追求字数或是句式的复杂用些比较奇怪的表达.括号里的为改正内容。实在不好意思，我不知道怎么改字体的颜色……
加油！！
[[i] 本帖最后由 arthur09710 于 2009-2-10 22:47 编辑 [/i]] 改28#滴~~~:loveliness:
[size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]Issue 130: "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
The assertion that the speaker put forward seems plausible in some respects, however, the dual claim is one-sided and lack of sufficient evidences as far as I am concerned.[/font][/size][color=#ffc000][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]好简单干净的开头[/size][/font][/color][size=10.5pt]
[font=Times New Roman]The first claim-- society's destiny hinges on how children are socialized, ignores the fact that the factors determining the destiny of society are not include socialization only. Admittedly, it should be conceded that how children are socialized today will influence the destiny of society in the future somehow. Children who grew up without healthy interaction with others may become a dissocial adult.[/font][/size][color=#7030a0][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]简述[/size][/font][/color][color=#7030a0][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]socialization[/font][/size][/color][color=#7030a0][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]的必要性然后后面就段落内的转折，层次很明显[/size][/font][/color][font=Times New Roman][color=#ffc000][size=10.5pt]Nevertheless, socialization is just one factor among those effecting the extent of one's ultimately contribution.[/size][/color][size=10.5pt] If a person is well socialized while [/size][/font][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]（用[/size][/font][/color][color=red][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]but?[/font][/size][/color][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]）[/size][/font][/color][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]without endearing qualities such as honesty, probity, kindness, responsibility and so on, [/font][/size][color=#00b050][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]你看下哦，这边你提到的特性都是品德能够有助于[/size][/font][/color][color=#00b050][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]create a better society[/font][/size][/color][color=#00b050][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]但是陈景润的例子却是[/size][/font][/color][color=#00b050][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]knowledge[/font][/size][/color][color=#00b050][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]或者说是[/size][/font][/color][color=#00b050][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]research[/font][/size][/color][color=#00b050][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]等等[/size][/font][/color][font=Times New Roman][color=#7030a0][size=10.5pt]c[/size][/color][size=10.5pt]an anyone assure that such a person will contribute [color=red]to [/color]the society a lot? In[color=red](on?)[/color] the other hand, it is absurdly predicate that a person lack of socialization will poorly contribute to a better society. There are many counterexamples to refute the speaker's view. Take Chen Jingrun, a Chinese mathematician as an example. His work sets a milestone in proving Goldbach Conjecture. a world-class mathematical master once praised his work "like walking on the summit in the Himalayas". But he is a incommunicative and lonely person all his life. So the first claim is untenable[color=#7030a0].[/color][/size][/font][color=#ffc000][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]段落论证很清晰，就是举的例子最好和你的论述能对应一点[/size][/font][/color][color=#ffc000][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]~~[/font][/size][/color][size=10.5pt]
[font=Times New Roman]Taking the second claim into consideration, I think the claim is too arbitrary. Nowadays, we have accumulated much knowledge about how to raise children to bring about a better society. As widely acknowledged, a better society has the character such as more cooperation, more tolerance, more self-confidence, more care of the vulnerable groups [color=red]at least[/color][/font][/size][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这个词在这里有点不太通顺，要么就放前面吧[/size][/font][/color][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]. According to today's education, it is not difficulty for one to find that our education has contained these things. Children will not only learn the knowledge, but also learn cooperation and tolerance when they get along with others in the school. It is also effective for parents to guide children to be more care about others and some social problems in daily life. Although there are some problems in our education system, it is quiet unreasonable to believing that current education fails. Our young generation, once thought to be brought in a honey jar and be cosseted, has shown that we can help construct a better society. Many of us have joined some volunteer organizations to help others. Last year, a devastating earthquake strike [color=red]stroke[/color] Sichuan Province in China, many volunteers came there to help the survivors reconstruct their home. Among them, there are many young people. We have also seen that young people pay much more attention to the social problems like environment pollution and make their effort to solve them. All the evidences show that the speaker's view are exaggerated and it is to be believed that what the young do in future will lead to the formulation of a better society. [/font][/size][color=#00b050][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]呃。。总感觉这些例子不能说明教育起到了什么作用，或者可以加点论述，把[/size][/font][/color][color=#00b050][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]young people [/font][/size][/color][color=#00b050][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]的这些品质和学校的教育联系起来，不然我完全有理由反驳说[/size][/font][/color][color=#00b050][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size][/color][color=#00b050][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]人之初性本善，不是因为学校教育好，而是处于本能的关怀呢[/size][/font][/color][color=#00b050][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]~
[/font][/size][/color][size=10.5pt]
[font=Times New Roman]Taking into account all these factors, we can get the conclusion that though some problems still exist, our education has been designed to raising them to bring about a better society and it is too one-sided to think that children's socialization today determines the destiny of society.[/font][/size]
[size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size]
[color=#7030a0][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]作者的思路很清晰，例子举的也相当充分，只是在论证，也就是将例子和自己的论点的结合上再加强些吧[/size][/font][/color][color=#7030a0][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]~~~[/font][/size][/color]
[color=#7030a0][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]嘿嘿[/size][/font][/color][color=#7030a0][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size][/color][color=#7030a0][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]改的不当的地方[/size][/font][/color][color=#7030a0][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size][/color][color=#7030a0][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]敬请见谅啊[/size][/font][/color][color=#7030a0][size=10.5pt][font=Times New Roman]~~[/font][/size][/color][color=#7030a0][/color]
[[i] 本帖最后由 铁蛋o0 于 2009-2-11 15:57 编辑 [/i]] issue8 It is often necessary,even desirable, for political leaders to withhold information from the public.
The speaker claims that political leaders' retreat of information from the public is often essential and desirable. Though I concede that sometimes withholding information from the publuc is necessary, being honest to the public is the basic requriement for the political leaders.
In most cases, leaders should be honest to the public and should not withhold any information from them. The reasons is as followsing. For one thing, the public have the right to know all the decision of their government for that all the political leaders are the representative of themselves and should claim for the benefit of the public. After being aware of the decision of the government and why and how the decision was made, people would have more confidence in their political leaders. Nowadays, our political leaders always inform us of those political messages by making a speech or through media and thus the whole public follow the policy securely. All these contribute to a harmonious society.
For another thing, the public is the best supervisor of the political leaders. First, the supervision of the public could prevent power decay. With the supervision of the public, leaders would make every decision fairly and cannot make decision on behalf of themselves. The examples is not far to take. Today, still there are many leaders avoid publishing their dicisions and they defalcate and graft, which make a great harm to the community. If information of their work was supervised by the public, the leaders would not make such mistakes. Secondly, when making some decisions, the leaders cannot always take everything into consideration and there may be something harmful to the citizens. After publishing their ideas at first, the feedback of the public may prevent the false decision being taken into practice. Public can help the politic leaders do better.
However, in some cases witholdfing information is necessary espescially when it talks to the national defence. Obviously, information about how to fight with the terrorists cannot be told to the public. Otherwise, the stratagy will fail surely. In addition, withholding some information may avoid some unnecessary scare. For instance, during the first few hours of 2000 the U.S. Pentagon's missile defence system experiences a Y-2-K related maifunction. The information was withheld from the public until later in the day, once the problem has been solved; and legitimately so, since immediate disclosure would have served no useful purpose and might even have resaulted in mass hysteria.
In sum, from what have been discussed above, we may finally draw the conclusion that sometimes it is necessray to withhold information from the public, taking the public defence into consideration. But in most cases politic leaders should be honest to the public to make people have more confidence in them and supervise their work. [font=宋体][size=10.5pt][align=left][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]issue8 It is often necessary,even desirable, for political leaders to withhold information from the public.
The speaker claims that political leaders' retreat of information from the public is often essential and desirable. Though I concede that sometimes withholding information from the [color=#ff0000]publuc[/color][color=#008080]public[/color] is necessary, being honest to the public is the basic [color=#ff0000]requriement[/color][color=#008080]requirement[/color] for the political leaders. [/size][/font][/align][/align][align=left][align=left][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]
In most cases, leaders should be honest to the public and should not withhold any information from them. The [color=#ff0000]reasons is[/color][color=#008080]reasons are[/color] as [color=#ff0000]followsing[/color][color=#008080]following[/color]. For one thing, the public have the right to know all the decision[color=#008080]s[/color] of [color=#ff0000]their [/color][color=#008080]the [/color]government[color=#008080].[/color] [color=#ff0000]for that[/color][color=#008080] Because[/color] all the political leaders are the representative[color=#008080]s[/color] of [color=#ff0000]themselves [/color][color=#008080]the public [/color]and should claim for the benefit of the public. After being aware of the decision of the government and why and how the decision was made, people would have more confidence in their political leaders. Nowadays, our political leaders always inform us of those political messages by making a speech or through media and thus the whole public follow the policy securely. All these contribute to a harmonious society.[color=#008080]([/color][/size][/font][font=宋体][size=10.5pt][color=#008080]信息公开的目的就是为了和谐社会？感觉论证不清晰，同时和谐社会在国外的认同度有多大呢？是否可以换为民众在了解了信息之后可以更好的监督**，防止**，渎职，越权发生？？[/color][color=#008080])
[/color]For another thing, the public is the best supervisor of the political leaders. First, the supervision of the public could prevent power decay[color=#008080]用corruption好些吗？[/color]. With the supervision of the public, leaders would make every decision fairly and cannot make decision on behalf of themselves. The examples is not far to take. Today, still there are many leaders avoid publishing their [color=#ff0000]dicisions[/color][color=#008080]decisions[/color] and they defalcate and graft, which make a great harm to the [color=#ff0000]community[/color][color=#008080]society[/color]. If information of their work was supervised by the public, the leaders would not make such mistakes. Secondly, when making some decisions, the leaders cannot always take everything into consideration and there may be something harmful to the citizens. After publishing their ideas at first, the feedback of the public may prevent the false decision being taken into practice. Public can help the politic leaders do better.
However, in some cases [color=#ff0000]witholdfing[/color][color=#008080]withholding[/color] information is necessary [color=#ff0000]espescially[/color][color=#008080]especially[/color] when it talks to the national defence. Obviously, information about how to fight with the terrorists cannot be told to the public. Otherwise, the [color=#ff0000]stratagy[/color][color=#008080]strategy[/color] will fail surely. In addition, withholding some information may avoid some unnecessary scare. For instance, during the first few hours of 2000 the U.S. Pentagon's missile [color=#ff0000]defence[/color][color=#008080]defense[/color] system experiences a Y-2-K related [color=#ff0000]maifunction[/color][color=#008080]malfunction[/color]. The information was withheld from the public until later in the day, once the problem has been solved; and legitimately so, since immediate disclosure would have served no useful purpose and might even have [color=#ff0000]resaulted[/color][color=#008080]resulted[/color] in mass hysteria.[color=#008080]（ 机考软件对北美范文好像是甄别的，建议换换动词哈）[/color]
In sum, from what have been discussed above, we may finally draw the conclusion that sometimes it is [color=#ff0000]necessray[/color][color=#008080]necessary[/color] to withhold information from the public, taking the public defence into consideration. But in most cases politic leaders should be honest to the public to make people have more confidence in them and supervise their work.[/size][/font][/align][/align][align=left][align=left][font=Calibri][color=#008080] [/color][/font][/align][/align][align=left][align=left][color=#008080][font=宋体]首先感觉拼写错误很多，可能为了赶时间，平时多注意，太多错误也会导致扣分。[/font][/color][/align][/align][align=left][align=left][color=#008080][font=宋体]还有有些句子的表达觉得不流畅，同时论证上面第二段说公开信息是为了让民众对**更有信心，感觉论证不清晰，第三段论证信息公开是为了让民众监督**。第二第三段之间的关系是什么？并列？建议再考虑下第二段的论证。[/font][/color][/align][/align][align=left][align=left][color=#008080][font=宋体]还有千年五角大楼案例哈，以后建议换换动词哈。[/font][/color][/align][/align][align=left][align=left][font=宋体][color=#008080]加油！！！[/color][/font][/align][/align][align=left][align=left][/size][/font][/align][/align]
[[i] 本帖最后由 pmj07 于 2009-2-13 20:37 编辑 [/i]] 我的 请大家狂拍 尤其是表达和逻辑论证 谢谢::z1
232 "It is often necessary, even desirable, for political leaders to withhold information from the public."
对于政治领导者来说，向人大众隐瞒信息通常是必要的，甚至有益的。
少数和多数的关系之true lies, the truth is out there.(选择平衡的折中观点~~~）
The author alleges that political leaders should withhold information from the public, rather disclose. While I concede that in certain areas, the public’s interest will be compromised as a result of disclosure, yet lacking forthrightness of the leader’s plans to the public will lead to severe consequences. In addition, disclosing information of certain fields will be conducive to the both the nation and the public.
I agree with the author the political leaders withhold information insofar as it is relevant to the public’s safety and even national security. For instance, if the president of the Allies declared the landing point of Normandy during the World War Two, war would surely be elongated and more soldiers will die in the battlefield. In addition, withholding information from the public will decrease unnecessary panic among the citizen. For instance, plague occurred while not confirmed in the remote areas of the nation, because of no further evidence to affirm the reality, any premature information will inevitably cause horrific among the citizen living far from the stricken area. In short, on the behalf of the citizenry, withholding information from the public is often necessary.
Aside from some specific situation, however, lacking forthrightness of the leader’s plans to the public will result in corrupt and more severe outcoming. For instance, President Nixon’s effort to conceal his active role in the Water-gate Scandal, which demonstrates his personal eager to occupy more interest in the democratic society, is a perfect instance that over withholding information from the public will jeopardize basic disciplines of society. On the other hand, corruption decreased in some developed country as the progress of democracy, that is, the effort to construct a more open and transparent government, for instance, the political leaders have to disclose their assets and even family members’ work to the public. Therefore, disclosing information to the public is an ideal way towards an efficient and incorruptible government.
Having accepted the assertion mentioned above, disclosing information to the public is dispensable to the whole society and citizenry. The political leaders should demonstrate the accurate statistics of the economy in order to have the public a basic understanding of the national situation, thus supervising the budget and fiscal income will be possible. Furthermore, after the understanding of certain circumstances, citizenry could express their opinions more rationally; as a result, it is constructive to avoid conflicts and demonstration. In short, disclosing information is not only a symbol a democratic society but a efficient way to stop society from deterioration.
In sum, although withholding information from the public can be useful during some specific condition, legitimate political leaders nevertheless ask for forthrightness to citizenry. In any democratic country, political leaders depend on deception and lies will undoubtedly result in corruption and even revolution. It is also common sense to construct a open and transparent government in modern society. 修改33#的
[size=14pt]232 "It is often necessary, even desirable, for political leaders to withhold information from the public."
[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]对于政治领导者来说，向人大众隐瞒信息通常是必要的，甚至有益的。[/size][/font]
[font=宋体][size=14pt]少数和多数的关系之[/size][/font][size=14pt]true lies, the truth is out there.([/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]选择平衡的折中观点[/size][/font][size=14pt]~~~[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]）[/size][/font][size=14pt]
The author alleges that political leaders should withhold information from the public, rather [/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]【[/size][/font][size=14pt]than[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]】[/size][/font]
[size=14pt]disclose [/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]【[/size][/font][size=14pt]it[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]，[/size][/font][size=14pt]disclose[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]是及物动词】[/size][/font][size=14pt].[/size][size=14pt] While I concede that in certain areas, the public’s interest will be compromised as a result of disclosure, yet lacking forthrightness of the leader’s plans to the public will lead to severe consequences. In addition, disclosing information of certain fields will be conducive to the[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]【[/size][/font][size=14pt]the[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]】[/size][/font][size=14pt] both the nation and the public.
[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]各个分论点和后面各段相对应，层次清晰[/size][/font][size=14pt]
I agree with the author the political leaders withhold information insofar as it is relevant to the public’s
[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]【[/size][/font][size=14pt]public[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]即可，[/size][/font][size=14pt]public[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]是形容词】[/size][/font]
[size=14pt]safety and even national security. For instance, if the president of the Allies declared the landing point of Normandy during the World War Two, [/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]【[/size][/font][size=14pt]the[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]】[/size][/font][size=14pt]war would surely be elongated[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]【对这个词的用法有点怀疑】[/size][/font][size=14pt] and more soldiers will die in the battlefield. In addition, withholding information from the public will decrease unnecessary panic among the citizen[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]【可数名词，[/size][/font][size=14pt]citizens[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]】[/size][/font][size=14pt]. For instance, plague occurred while not confirmed in the remote areas of the nation, because of no further evidence to affirm the reality, any premature information will inevitably cause horrific among the citizen living far from the stricken area[color=#ffc000].[/color] In short, [color=#ffc000]on the behalf of the citizenry[/color][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]【难道是修饰[/size][/font][size=14pt]withholding information from the public [/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]的吗[/size][/font][size=14pt]?[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]】[/size][/font][size=14pt], withholding information from the public is often necessary.
Aside from some specific situation, however, lacking forthrightness of the leader’s plans to the public will result in corrupt and more severe outcoming[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]【[/size][/font][size=14pt]outcome[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]】【承上启下】[/size][/font][size=14pt]. For instance, President Nixon’s effort to conceal his active role in the Water-gate Scandal, which demonstrates his personal eager to occupy more interest in the democratic society, is a perfect instance that over withholding information from the public will jeopardize basic disciplines of society[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]【这个长句写的好！】[/size][/font][size=14pt]. On the other hand,[color=#92d050] corruption [/color][color=#00b0f0]decreased[/color][color=#ffc000] in some developed country as the progress of democracy, that is, [/color][color=#d99594]the effort [/color][color=#ffc000]to construct a more open and transparent government, for instance, the political leaders have to disclose their assets and even family members’ work to the public[/color][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]【怎么感觉好像缺少句子成分呢？[/size][/font][size=14pt]the effort[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]这个句子[/size][/font][font=宋体][size=14pt]】[/size][/font][size=14pt]. [/size][size=14pt]Therefore, disclosing information to the public is an ideal way towards an efficient and incorruptible government.
Having accepted the assertion mentioned above, disclosing information to the public is dispensable to the whole society and citizenry. [font=宋体][size=14pt]【[/size][/font][size=14pt]承上启下[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]】[/size][/font]The political leaders should demonstrate the accurate statistics of the economy in order to have the public [color=#ffc000]a basic understanding of[/color][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]【[/size][/font][size=14pt]understood[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]】[/size][/font][size=14pt] the national situation, thus supervising the budget and fiscal income will be possible. Furthermore, after the understanding of certain circumstances, citizenry could express their opinions more rationally; as a result, it is constructive to avoid conflicts and demonstration. In short, disclosing information is not only a symbol a democratic society but a[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]【[/size][/font][size=14pt]an[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]】[/size][/font][size=14pt] efficient way to stop society from deterioration.
In sum, although withholding information from the public can be useful during some specific condition, legitimate political leaders nevertheless ask for forthrightness to citizenry. In any democratic country, political leaders depend[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]【[/size][/font][size=14pt]depending[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]】[/size][/font][size=14pt] on deception and lies will undoubtedly result in corruption and[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]【[/size][/font][size=14pt]or[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]】[/size][/font][size=14pt] even revolution.[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]【下面一句来的好突然～】[/size][/font]
[size=14pt]It is also common sense to construct a open and transparent government in modern society.[/size]
[size=14pt]1， [size=4]1，[/size][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]用词挺好的，个别词语的掌握不到位，有时会有小的语法错误[/size][/font][size=14pt][/size]
[size=14pt]2， [size=4]2，[/size] [/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]逻辑比较紧密，逻辑词用的很好，并且段与段之间衔接的也很好，看得出来是北美范文的忠实[/size][/font][size=14pt]fans[/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]～[/size][/font][size=14pt][/size]
[size=14pt]3， [size=4]3，[/size][/size][font=宋体][size=14pt]写长句的功夫比较高强，偶尔有一点瑕疵[/size][/font][size=14pt][/size]
这是我的，谢谢楼下版友啦～
[size=12pt][font=Calibri]121"At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human, processes. Thus, there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered species."[/font][/size]
[size=12pt][font=Calibri] [/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Calibri]The speaker asserts that since humans' actions are not the crucial factors of it, it is unreasonable to make extraordinary efforts to save species which are in danger. It might be tempting to agree with the speaker on the basis that humans are absent to predict and assess the evaluation of each sort of endangered species. Moreover, society cannot have the endangered species at the expense of fundamental human needs. Nevertheless, the speaker overlooks the issues of social and economic benefits, morality and self-protection.[/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Calibri]There are two compelling arguments which are against to place humans to preserve endangered species. The first, in the view of the lack of humans' abilities to assess the value of the endangered species or to predict whether the specie which humans are saving will be beneficial to humans in the long term, the decisions which are made by society base on the emotion rather than reasons. After all, pandas are appreciated much more than insects. Besides, the decisions are also influenced by peddling. Common sense informs us that humans are always prone to have confidence in the words of the so-called experts on specie-protecting who might have certain hidden intent. Accordingly, owing to ignorance which renders humans in the state of being induced easily, making extraordinary efforts rashly is no justification for society. [/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Calibri] [/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Calibri]Secondly, compared to a various issues of food, clothing and housing whose essence is jobs and money, biodiversity pales in importance. It is indisputable that the former needs are more fundamental. Understandably, a society containing a considerable starving folks would rarely prefer building numerous zoos and botanical gardens to developing their agriculture. Therefore, I concede that society should not invest considerable money in saving species if there were certain issues which are more urgent.[/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Calibri]Despite the obvious negative effects of the extraordinary efforts, saving species do bring benefits and indeed are necessary. To illustrate the point firstly, let us look first at the opportunities provided by the specie-preserved plans. Only consider panda-breeding in China, which is almost entirely subsidized by Chinese government, providing 3,0000 jobs which are relate to panda-breeding. In other words, these jobs, springing from panda-breeding, solve numerous unemployment and economic problems. The example about panda is a proof that proposals of saving species do not always waste money and labor and even prompts the prosperity of economics.[/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Calibri]Moreover, biodiversity is crucial to the biosphere which maintains and ameliorates our environmental situations. Undoubtedly, saving the endangered species is important to the biodiversity. Namely, saving the endangered species is the essence of maintaining and ameliorating human's environmental situations whose relationship is closely with human-beings, not to mention that there are surly countless species' extinctions are the humans’ faults, such as deforestation, water pollution, and so on.[/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Calibri]In the final analysis, although the statement is logic and reasonable in considering the importance of fundamental needs, it overlooks the benefits sprout from keeping biodiversity. [/font][/size]
[[i] 本帖最后由 cpupanghanjing 于 2009-2-12 01:16 编辑 [/i]] 为什么我标记的彩色都没有了呢？晕倒！在传一份文档的吧～ 咦，怎么还不可以改呢？
先占个位，等版主同意了我就改34#的121
[font=Calibri][size=3]121"At various times in the geological past, many species have become extinct as a result of natural, rather than human, processes. Thus, there is no justification for society to make extraordinary efforts, especially at a great cost in money and jobs, to save endangered species."
[size=12pt][/size]
[/size][size=14pt]The speaker asserts that since humans' actions are not the crucial factors of it, it is unreasonable to make extraordinary efforts to save species which are in danger. It might be tempting to agree with the speaker on the basis that humans are absent to predict and assess the evaluation of each sort of endangered species. Moreover, society cannot have the endangered species at the expense of fundamental human needs. [color=red]【moreover表示递进，似表示正态度】[/color]Nevertheless, the speaker overlooks the issues of social and economic benefits, morality and self-protection[color=red].【nevertheless又似表示负态度】【所以建议最好再用单独一句总领全文】[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Calibri][/font]
[size=14pt][font=Calibri]There are two compelling arguments which are against to place humans to preserve endangered species. The first, in the view of the lack of humans' abilities to assess the value of the endangered species or to predict whether the specie which humans are saving will be beneficial to humans in the long term, the decisions which are made by society base on the emotion rather than reasons. [color=red]After all, pandas are appreciated much more than insects[/color]. Besides, the decisions are also influenced by peddling. Common sense informs us that humans are always prone to have confidence in the words of the so-called experts on specie-protecting who might have certain hidden intent. Accordingly, owing to ignorance which renders humans in the state of being induced easily, making extraordinary efforts rashly is no justification for society. [color=red]【这里例子不够充分，下面的饲养熊猫的例子就很好】[/color][/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Calibri][/font][/size]
[size=14pt][font=Calibri]Secondly, compared to a various issues of food, clothing and housing whose essence is jobs and money, biodiversity pales in importance. It is indisputable that the former needs are more fundamental. Understandably, a society containing a considerable starving folks would rarely prefer building numerous zoos and botanical gardens to developing their agriculture. Therefore, I concede that society should not invest considerable money in saving species if there were certain issues which are more urgent.[/font][/size]
[font=Calibri][/font]
[size=14pt][font=Calibri]Despite the obvious negative effects of the extraordinary efforts, saving species do bring benefits and indeed are necessary. To illustrate the point firstly, let us look first at the opportunities provided by the specie-preserved plans. Only consider panda-breeding in China, which is almost entirely subsidized by Chinese government, providing 3,0000 jobs which are relate to panda-breeding. In other words, these jobs, springing from panda-breeding, solve numerous unemployment and economic problems. The example about panda is a proof that proposals of saving species do not always waste money and labor and even prompts the prosperity of economics.[/font][/size]
[font=Calibri][/font][color=red]【这两段都比较短，可以合成一段写，否则以单独的分论点成段却没论据会显得论证不够有利】[/color]
[size=14pt][font=Calibri]Moreover, biodiversity is crucial to the biosphere which maintains and ameliorates our environmental situations. Undoubtedly, saving the endangered species is important to the biodiversity. Namely, saving the endangered species is the essence of maintaining and ameliorating human's environmental situations whose relationship is closely with human-beings, not to mention that there are surly countless species' extinctions are the humans’ faults, such as deforestation, water pollution, and so on[color=red].【接上面提到的，这里显得不太充实】[/color][/font][/size]
[font=Calibri][/font]
[size=14pt][font=Calibri]In the final analysis, although the statement is logic and reasonable in considering the importance of fundamental needs, it overlooks the benefits sprout from keeping biodiversity. [color=red]【需要充实，可以再总结一下你分析的过程】[/color][/font][/size]
[color=red]总结[/color]
[color=#ff0000]1、个人感觉观点不够鲜明，开头段先扬后抑，让人感觉是反对态度，但是正文部分正负观点分配相当，所以让我有点confused。[/color]
[color=#ff0000]2、语言、用词都很好，比我好多了，没什么好挑剔的[/color]
[color=#ff0000]3、结尾段还需要充实一下，否则有点虎头蛇尾[/color]
[color=#ff0000][/color]
[[i] 本帖最后由 kent119963 于 2009-2-12 17:20 编辑 [/i]] 112. "Some educational systems emphasize the development of students' capacity for reasoning and logical thinking, but students would benefit more from an education that also taught them to explore their own emotions."
一些教育体系强调学生逻辑推理思维能力的发展，但是那些教学生们探究自身情绪的教育对学生们才更有好处。
论点 承认两者都有好处，但需call for a balance between 两者
The speaker asserts that students would benefit more from an education that including both teaching them to explore their own emotion and developing students' capacity for reasoning and logical thinking. In my point of view, I agree with the speaker for one reason that reasoning and logical thinking is a necessary skill for students to survive in today's technological advanced world, and for another reason that exploration to one's emotions is helpful for developing student as a mature adult.
There's no doubt that educational systems should emphasize the development of students' capacity for reasoning and logical thinking, because of which is crucial in the process of learning. First of all, reasoning and logical thinking is of great importance in science such as physics and maths. This kind of subject is base on logic and reasoning; every new theorem and law must be based on some reasons and conditions already existed, and result from the process of reasoning. Just learning the explanation of an phenomena or the expression of an algebra equation is far from enough. In fact, the importance of reasoning and logical thinking is far beyond the theorems and laws. What's more, it's a cognitive method that unveil the exterior and introduce the inner principles under it, which means logic and reasoning is more than just a way of learning, it's the foundation of science which results in today's modern society. The ability of reasoning and logical thinking is necessary for everyone to survive in modern world.
It's good to see that schools place emphasis on intelligence training, the ability of reasoning and logical thinking, but it's not contrary that exploration to one's own emotion, which is, unfortunately, ignored by most educational systems, also plays crucial role in the growth of students. First, skills of self introspection is needed among modern students. Nowadays people in modern society are facing more and more fierce competition. Even the students have to bear stress not only from academic grades but also from future job market, which compel them to live in an unhealthy life that may cause psychological problems. Educational systems should pay more attention to training students to explore their own emotions so that help themselves to find their way out.
Second, a certain amount of emotions exploration is helpful to students' academic achievement. A recent research to the Chinese senior school students about psychological state shows that those who have good ability of leading their own emotion, which means the ability of adjusting negative emotions and having steadfast faith when facing difficulties, shows better academic achievement in the national exam. Moreover, to get ready for the future life, besides knowledge students must learn more about faith, responsibility, self-control and so on, while students' exploration to their own emotions is just a start of growing up to an overall person.
On the contrary, because of the neglect of emotion education by most educational systems, the students who are lack of self introspection and the ability of emotion control suffered from psychological problem, some of which finally result in social problems. Students need more psychological care from school nowadays, but in reality there's a long way for educational system to go. Every year there are always students killing themselves for the undue psychal burden from their life. But the experience from many schools have shown that it's hard for school to offer psychological care to students directly because of individual privacy. In some cases, mostly happened in the US, the undue psychal burden caused campus shooting in several universities. Despite the firearms policy of America, another reason of this social problems is the neglect of emotion education. If one is dead, what he/she has learned, such as ways of reasoning and logical thinking, means nothing.
In sum, modern educational system should balance the relationships between intelligence education and emotion education. Developing student's capacity of reasoning and logical thinking can equip the students with useful intellectual skills, while teaching them to explore their own emotions can make sure they're still on the right direction. Students will benefit more from the educational system that involves both of them.
(谢谢下面的板油，欢迎猛拍）
回复 37# kent119963 的帖子
改37#版主：我先改了。因为当时没注意到，改完再发现。对不起。
The speaker asserts that students would benefit more from an education that including both teaching them to explore their own emotion and developing students' capacity for reasoning and logical thinking. In my point of view, I agree with the speaker for one reason that reasoning and logical thinking is a necessary skill for students to survive in today's technological[color=red]ly[/color] advanced world, and for another reason that exploration to one's emotions is helpful for developing student [color=red]into[/color] a mature adult.
There's no doubt that educational systems should emphasize the development of students' capacity for reasoning and logical thinking, because of which is crucial in the process of learning. First of all, reasoning and logical thinking is of great importance in science such as physics and maths. This kind of subject is base on logic and reasoning; every new theorem and law must be based on some reasons and conditions already existed, and [color=red]then [/color]result [color=red]comes[/color] from the process of reasoning. Just learning the explanation of a phenomena or the expression of an algebra equation is far from enough. In fact, the importance of reasoning and logical thinking is far beyond the theorems and laws. What's more, it's a cognitive method that unveil[color=red]s[/color] the exterior and introduce the inner principles under it, which means logic and reasoning is more than just a way of learning, it's the foundation of science which results in today's modern society. The ability of reasoning and logical thinking is necessary for everyone to survive in modern world.
It's good to see that schools place emphasis on intelligence training, the ability of reasoning and logical thinking, but it's not contrary [color=red]to the[/color] that exploration to one's own emotion, which is unfortunately ignored by most educational systems, also plays [color=red]a[/color] crucial role in the growth of students. First, skills of self introspection [color=red]are[/color] needed among modern students. Nowadays people in modern society are facing more and more fierce competition[color=red]s[/color]. Even the students have to bear stress not only from academic grades but also from future job market, which compel them to live in an unhealthy life that may cause psychological problems. Educational systems should pay more attention to training students to explore their own emotions so that help themselves to find their way out.
Second, a certain amount of emotion[color=red]al[/color] exploration is helpful to students' academic achievement. A recent research [color=red]about[/color] the Chinese senior school students [color=red]on[/color] psychological state shows that those who have good ability of leading their own emotion, which means the ability of adjusting negative emotions and having steadfast faith when facing difficulties, shows better academic achievement in the national exam. Moreover, to get ready for the future life, besides knowledge students must learn more about faith, responsibility, self-control and so on, while students' exploration to their own emotions is just a start of growing up to an overall person.
On the contrary, because of the neglect of emotion education by most educational systems, the students who are lack of self introspection and the ability of emotion control suffered from psychological problem, some of which finally result in social problems. Students need more psychological care from school nowadays, but in reality there's a long way for educational system to go. Every year there are always students [u]killing themselves[/u] [color=red](committing suicide) [/color]for the undue [color=red]psychological[/color] burden from their life. But the experience from many schools have shown that it's hard for school to offer psychological care to students directly because of individual privacy. In some cases, mostly happened in the US, the undue [color=red]psychological[/color] burden caused campus shooting in several universities. Despite the firearms policy of America, another reason of th[color=red]ese[/color] social problems is the neglect of emotion education.[u] If one is dead, what he/she has learned, such as ways of reasoning and logical thinking, means nothing.[/u][color=red]([/color][color=red][font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这句话什么意思，不是很理解[/size][/font][/color][color=red])[/color]
In sum, modern educational system should balance the relationships between intelligence education and emotion education. Developing student's capacity of reasoning and logical thinking can equip the students with useful intellectual skills, while teaching them to explore their own emotions can make sure they're still on the right direction. Students will benefit more from the educational system that involves both of them.
[font=宋体][size=10.5pt]这篇文章写的不错哦，除了个别语法错误来我没找出什么错误。美中不足的是语言上重复有点多了，字数我看了下，有七百个字，你要保证在[/size][/font]45[font=宋体][size=10.5pt]分钟里能打出这么多字来哦。例子都很到位，关于那份调查，还有美国校园的[/size][/font]campus shooting[font=宋体][size=10.5pt]。加油！[/size][/font]
[[i] 本帖最后由 notty808 于 2009-2-12 13:57 编辑 [/i]]
issue109
TOPIC: ISSUE109 - "The purpose of many advertisements is to make consumers want to buy a product so that they will 'be like' the person in the ad. This practice is effective because it not only sells products but also helps people feel better about themselves."WORDS: 532
TIME: 00:50:00
DATE: 2009-2-11 [font=宋体][size=10.5pt]上午[/size][/font] 10:01:58
首先说广告是在时代的要求下应运而生的
然后说广告的副作用，其实并不能让人们变的像广告中的模特一样。
然后说广告对社会风气的影响
希望楼下的帮我改改，谢谢。
For businessmen, maximizing their profits is their goals. For consumers, buying a ideal product is their demands. In this way, advertisements seem to serve as a bridge to connect both of them. But is this "bridge" effective? i hold certain doubts.
Admittedly, no one can deny the fact that in a society in which people are forced to do more by their superiors, competitors and even by themselves, there is little time left for them to deliberately select goods. At the same time, as a new form of media, advertisements begin to pop up in our televisions, Internet and even our roads. Once their advent, the populace are so addicted to and relying on ads due to the rapid pace of life. Under this circumstance, our businessmen realize the importance of ads and then put large amounts of money and energy into them, hoping ads can help them to appeal to the taste of consumers, thus making profits. In sum, ads allow companies to better promote their products while saving people's time in purchasing things.
However, in the current atmosphere fraught with materialism and celebrity effect, companies begin to take some inappropriate measures into their ads to misunderstand our consumers.Such measures include exaggerating the effect of their products and inviting a celebrity to introduce how perfect their products are, but virtually the celebrity hasn't used it at all. Let's take weight loss drug as an example. Often the use of a celebrity is an effective way to attract consumers, but it impairs the general interests of the populace who desire to own the figure as slim as the model in ads. However, the unfortunate thing is ultimately consumers are still the previous appearances, not having achieved the expected results. Furthermore, lost are consumers' money and even their health after using the products, harvest are businessmen's companies. What our consumers ignore is the diligent effort behind the ads made by the celebrity who try to maintain a slim and pretty figure.
Last but not least, tremendous changes brought by advertisements influence not only the interests of consumers but the values and morals of our society. So many teenagers learn to smoke because of the handsome marlboro man. Advertisements galvanize the materialism rooted in our society. We come to believe goods can satisfy our needs, luxuries can make us feel happy, and products can give us endless confidence. But is it true? Happiness, needs and confidence are things stemming from how we live our life. They have nothing to do with what we eat, how we dress ourselves and which handbag we hold. So we have to hold a right attitude and keep a determined direction at the labyrinth surrounded by advertisements. Have a clear picture about whether we need that product when considering buying it. That's what we should do.
Simply put, to some extent, advertisements do help to make a wise decision in choosing a product. But to a large scale, the disadvantages of ads far outweigh its benefits. For businessmen, they have to use a legal and reasonable way to sell their products. For consumers, what they have to remember is to keep a prudent mind when confused by ads.
[[i] 本帖最后由 notty808 于 2009-2-12 14:02 编辑 [/i]] 为什么pmj07占了楼还没有改我的啊
为什么没改我的文章他的文章也能被批准改啊