如何提高GRE分析写作和批判思维能力
--从对一篇GRE写作素材的评改分析说起
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近日读到一篇有关GRE写作题库中Government与艺术关系的文章，感觉颇有典型意义和分析价值，特结合此文谈谈如何提高学术写作能力并形成批判分析思维，供大家参考。
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[对于GRE和GMAT这种Government要不要资助艺术以及艺术作品是否应该受到Government的监督的话题，给大家补充论证素材如下：Government虽然有义务支持艺术，但艺术家必须清楚地认识到，Government对艺术的管制也是必须的、不可避免的。
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1 ^% g/ q7 A& i. GThe artists who have expectations of support without controls do notreally understand the basic nature of government as organized force. Anygovernment, whether communist or democratic, represents political and coerciveforces. All the resources and powers of the government tend to be deployed to servethe interests of the political group in control and also to deal with thingsthat threaten the very survival of the state. This is as true of the United States as it is of the Soviet Union. Either type of government must also establish bureaus and procedures forany of its activities, whether it's running the army or supporting artists. Anydecision to make something a government activity is also a decision to place itunder bureaucratic management with various controls and reporting methods formeasurement of results.]
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简要分析
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The artists who have expectations [此处并无必要采用expect名词化形式，直接使用原形动词可使文章推进更为流畅] of support without controls do not really understand the basicnature [nature本意既指事物特征at its basic level，此处两词连用属同义重复，意义不大] of government as organized force[此处有中文思维之嫌，所指organized force好象有所指但又不甚明确，概念表述过于generic而欠缺exact]. Any government, whether communist or democratic [此两词含义并非对比或平行，不应并列连用：一则communist通常应与capitalist对照，democratic应与authoritarian并用；二则此处表述人为地将communist与democratic形成一种非此即彼的对立关系：难道communist就一定不民主或反民主，或者民主国家就一定是非共产主义？],represents political and coercive forces. All the resources and powers of thegovernment tend to be deployed to serve the interests of the political group incontrol [此处作者沿用一种马克思主义的“阶级斗争观”，即国家始终处于一种ZF与公众对立的状态，但在一个权力制衡的民主环境下，西方读者素来习惯于质疑、批评和调教Government，自然未必认同这种“宿命论”式的假设，更何况Government与公众利益完全有可能达成一致] and also to deal with things that threaten the very survival ofthe state [此处似在窄化和矮化ZF职能，一天成天只为国家生存而忙活的Government恐怕难以持久]. Thisis as true of the United States as it is of the Soviet Union [应加上former，前苏联这个“理想国”在西方公众眼中早已被历史所淘汰]. Either type of government must also establish bureaus andprocedures for any of its activities [“any”似用词不当，须加以严格限制；否则难免ZF不会将压制言论也列入其正当管辖范围], whether it's running the army or supporting artists [此处存在不当推理或错误类比：维持军队当然与支持艺术有本质区别，绝不可相提并论。军队要求的是绝对或奴性服从，艺术家创作难道也要摧眉折腰？]. Any decision to make something a government activity is also adecision to place it under bureaucratic management with various controls andreporting methods for measurement of results [此处表述多处有失严谨：一则列为Government活动的领域不一定当然就能赋予Government干预权力--难道Government动用手中的公共资源救济灾民就能要求后者宣誓效忠、难道Government向新闻机构拨款就能强制后者为其政治宣传服务？因此必须对Government活动类型和范围加以严格限定；二则在一个民主社会中，是否将某项活动列为Government管辖范围并非只是ZF一家所能决定，须通过公众讨论和议会审议才能通过，否则怎能保证Government不利用此项特权蚕食公共权力和民意空间].
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Those artists who expect gratuitous support without any strings do not really understand the nature of government as an institution of communal consensus and, on such basis, public administration at various levels and to differing degrees. Any government, either communist or capitalist, authoritarian or democratic, is entitled to exercises its administrative jurisdiction, be it commonsensical or controversial, over the broad public, artists included of course. Toward this function, a government’s resources inevitably tend to be deployed to serve the interests of the majority, besides addressing any exigency that may threaten the very survival of the state. Such quality is as true of the United States and the former USSR as of any other country. In maintaining a disciplined army or supporting liberal artists, any type of government should of necessity install competent agencies and formulate appropriate formalities to fulfill those objectives. In this sense, an artist, who reside in a particular country as a citizen and interact with the public, especially through his creative productions, is not privileged to be exempt from civic obligations, public commitments and administrative constraints, all of which emphatically dictate that a sensible artist must constantly strike a subtle balance between voluntarily executing his secular responsibilities while still vigilantly guarding his artistic license./ m1 Y) o+ L# ~8 V; c& G
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读完原文，感觉作者有不少独立想法，敢于表达并展开论证，但在语言、观点和逻辑方面似有多处欠妥，尤其是从GRE作文考官和西方学术读者的角度而言：
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# i+ V$ P" {- c2 U* y+ k语言上，原文语言不够精炼，冗赘现象较多，措词不够准确；句型变化较多，但多是为变而变，句意重心不突出，句子间衔接不紧，行文发展常呈跳跃性，流畅性较低。标准学术语言要求字词严谨精确，直截了当，字、句、段乃至全文取舍得当，前后意义连贯，严丝合缝，行文流畅易读。
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4 ~. v- r' @ j0 s" P! S9 a/ n观点上，作者思考面和深度较明显，但许多想法似出自“生在新中国，长在红旗下”的教育背景，马列理论前提贯穿始终，看待问题往往两极化，黑白分明。中国考生应注意到GRE是针对美国本科生的考试，其考生和考官均是出自西方社会文化背景下的知识分子，不一定认同（甚至可能十分反感）马列理论和社会主义的种种假设和思维方式（谁说Government就一定与民众对立、谁说民众面对Bureaucracy无能为力、谁说Government与民众利益就一定不可调和、谁说资本主义制度自身的矛盾就无法缓解甚至平稳解决？）中国考生切忌动辄将“阶级斗争”之类观点拿到GRE写作中“上纲上线”，否则ETS考官对此类“大作”轻者无法洞悉其中“奥妙”，重者可能招致强烈抵触情绪，结果可想而知。真正的学者应具有全面、平衡、客观的头脑，不因所处政治、文化、社会和历史背景而束缚其思维视野，尤其是不能受意识形态和长期教育的局限，而是时刻有意识地超越自身环境，对各类文化、文明、生活方式和价值观念保持着好奇心和探索热情。在某种程度上，GRE写作正是帮助我们培养这种早应具备但却因种种原因未能形成的宝贵素质。
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论证逻辑上，原文多处推理和类比均较牵强，对ZF本质定性较模糊，对ZF职能概括过于狭隘，将维持军队与扶持艺术相提并论尤其令人无法苟同；结论中对ZF活动属性的界定过于宽松广泛，易给ZF滥用权力留下空间，也难以令西方读者信服。在标准学术论证中，作者应首先准确把握主要概念，在定性和延伸时谨慎节制，决不轻易推而广之；其次应意识到读者群体的主流逻辑模式（民主型、权威型或中间型），在推理时严格遵循读者思维方式展开推进，使其观点更易被认可和接受；第三，在广义上，学术领域的论证逻辑实际上与个人的思维水准必不可分，互为促进。很难想象一个平时思维混乱、语无伦次、东拉西扯的人可以写出一篇合格的学术分析文章。从这个意义上讲，培养一种严谨的逻辑分析能力还须从日常生活和点滴学习开始。
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也许古希腊圣贤亚历士多德的哲言可作为本文的最好注解：“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”4 \' j9 v' ?; d
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本帖最后由 HaoHao2007 于 2008-3-29 20:18 编辑 ]
