Many people say teachers should be responsible for teaching students to judge right and wrong and to behave well?others say teachers should only teach students academic subjects. Discuss and give you opinion. & n$ m7 i. E: N; s6 c
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Many people claimed that teachers should teach students to judge right and wrong and to behave well, while others believe that the teachers should only teach students academic subjects. I am personally, convinced that teacher have responsibilities to both of the perspectives.
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" Z0 F$ m1 u! t4 ]8 qIt is undeniable that the ability to judge right and wrong is an essential part of human's capability, which should be taught in school. The judgement ability has the top priority in certain circumstances. For instance, a computer genius is devoted to be a hacker to make great trouble to the others due to his lackness of right judgement capability. By contrast, if he was taught about health professional ethic in school, his outstanding talent would be used in the right way. At the same time, behaveing well is also a sigh of well-educated. People in good manner will get more respect and have more chance in the stiff competitive society.
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; x; S8 U1 H# X1 gI strongly believe that academic subjects is also important, because they are the foundation for further education. You cannot imagine that a well-educated person with right judgement capability do not have abundant knowledge at all. Further more, to place great important on teaching academic subjects, teachers have spend plenty of time on these. However, it is different for students, who are only taught academic subjects but have no ability to judge them, to put the knowledge in to the right practice. In another word, they would have chance to do bad things for the wrong reason using the right knowledge.
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) ~8 @% n3 B& jTo sum up, although academic knowledge is essential, judgement for right and wrong and behaving well is over weight than it.

第一句不要引用原文，要用简单的话语表述出观点就可以。% E  L6 }& X# A, b* E
teacher have 语法错误，responsibilities to 应为on， 其实后面直接用both就可以了
& |; v1 |. u, [! x实在看不下去，大体在5分的水平上，或者更低。( w) f: A( I9 f8 e' }& w
语法错误多，没有中心思想。例子单薄。很多初学者的毛病，以及中国式英语。0 {# a3 s- k. f0 s+ X
加强练习吧

我以前也发过自己的作文。。。等了好几天没一个人看的

我到是看了,觉得不错的.但不能帮你哈,怕耽误你哦

句子太长了，不建议你用很多复合句。另外用词也不是很准确。大概5-5.5左右吧，个人觉得。

Many people claimed (全文的事态要统一~！claim)that teachers should teach students to judge right and wrong and to behave well, while others believe that the teachers should only teach students academic subjects. I am personally, convinced that teacher(单复数要注意) have responsibilities to both of the perspectives. (have responsibilities to + do sth)
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# U% B+ _  U3 \% B6 y8 P% s: F- |( ~It is undeniable that the ability to judge right and wrong is an essential part of human's capability, which should be taught in school. The judgement ability has the top priority in certain circumstances. For instance, a computer genius is devoted (这里用devote 不太合适吧，你可以去好好查下它的意思)to be a hacker to make great trouble to the others due to his lackness of right judgement capability. By contrast, if he was （全文的时态要统一，is）taught about health professional ethic in school, his outstanding talent would be used in the right way. At the same time, behaveing (应该是behaving)well is also a sigh of well-educated(这个是形容词吧~！这里应该用名词). People in good manner will get more respect and have more chance in the stiff competitive society.
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I strongly believe that academic subjects is （单复数错误）also important, because they are the foundation for further education. You cannot imagine that a well-educated person with right judgement capability do not have abundant knowledge at all. Further more, to place great important on teaching academic subjects, teachers have spend plenty of time on these. However, it is different for students, who are only taught academic subjects but have no ability to judge them, to put the knowledge in to the right practice. In another words, they would have chance to do bad things for the wrong reason using the right knowledge. + ?6 q* ]7 j8 l1 V0 c
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: A: a& J/ z5 Y0 J8 GTo sum up, although academic knowledge is essential, judgement for right and wrong and behaving well is over weight than it(这里可以直接用outweigh比较适合).; R  D' C7 k7 \$ X( K! I( o$ D% r5 }

4 v3 U( r7 E& s" `# Z- C能力有限，只能帮你找找这些简单的错误了~！考试的时候要尽量避免单复数、时态、单词拼写这些简单的错误，
& S* Y  d( L  G; F0 R像2楼说的，你要加强练习，写完后自己先找找错，久了就不怎么会犯了~！还有，part2部分开头第一段很重要的，
; S9 l5 g0 T3 G. |8 r% r1 i要好好写，不能把题目改写下就算了，句子结构还有单词、语法都很重要，好的开始是成功的一半哦~！9 P, f6 l( b/ D
你的文章结构也有点问题，像2楼说的，中心不突出、例子单薄，还有很多地方单词用的不是很合适，这些都要多练~！- E" n6 S: u1 v# S
建议lz去买本写作书来看看，无论是词汇、语法、句子、文章结构上，都会很有帮助的~！加油哦~！

我其实真的认为，这篇文章应该重新写。5 f" k2 k  e2 F
真的是，拿到考场上，你还不一定能写成什么样子。9 a; n7 |# F! ?) \8 W; f7 P7 P2 ]. Y
而且整篇文章的逻辑也不清楚，中国式的感觉太强了。

感谢各位帮助，再发一篇看看有没有进步
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In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods, this is having a negative effect on both families and societies, to what extent do you agree or disagree.
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  i. A* Z7 |6 h) PNowadays, some people believe, with the fast pace of life, individuals prefer international fast foods to traditional foods, which lead to negative effect on both families and societies. I strongly agree this viewpoint. In this assay I will outline some reasons of this social phenomenon and give some suggestions to avoid some reverse effects2 b0 D; y0 B: Y+ b$ m$ D7 F

# `4 J4 L. r& X/ ePeople,who are living in stressful environment, have to choose  international fast foods. Compared with traditional foods, international fast foods save many time especially for commuters, so that families have no enough time to communicate during the dinner in harmony atmosphere and ignore some healthy problems. It is universally acknowledged that the fast foods being cooked by unhealthy way are also a threat to people's health. For instance, a new research reported that fast food could cause certain cancers or severe diseases
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. _' I: P! A2 \In some countries, as a consequence of culture assimilation, people indiscriminately take fast food as a kind of popular dishes in some circumstances. For example, some youngsters like to invite their friends in some fast food restaurants. The good habit of eating foods has gradually undermined by the fast foods culture.
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Due to the industrialization, fast food industry could have conditions to made in considerable number of fast food and the foods people eating everyday have become increasingly non-nutritious and similar. The diversity of food will disappear if people do not take some actions to avoid this.
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Overall, not only are the fast foods a threat to individuals health, but also harmful to the harmony of families and diversity cultures. Therefore, no matter how fast the life space are, to share lovely time with one's family, a person should spend some time studying foods culture and basic nutrition knowledge, or at least learning to cook some traditional dishes in one's spare time in stead of going to fast foods restaurants.

没够的家伙。。0 O0 k0 u: T& y0 G
不给改了

Nowadays, some people believe, with the fast pace of life, individuals prefer international fast foods to traditional foods, which lead to negative effect on both families and societies.
9 `' s4 [; \4 f! G这里有两个问题，首先是意思问题，题目讨论的是说人们更趋向于快餐已经成为一个事实了，所以不应该写成some people believe. 直接去掉。 第二个问题后面最好不要用which那个从句，因为which指代不是很明显，可能会存在歧义，因为你要表达的是which代表individuals prefer international fast foods to traditional foods这整个一节，而which这样的从句一般只代替某个成分，如宾语等，所以这里最好写两个句子出来  建议可这么改改! C5 W2 ^2 N7 d5 o3 f! T
   Nowadays, with the fast pace of life. .more and more people prefer international fast foods to traditional foods. Said that negative effect on both families and societies caused by this issue has increased in the recently years. In my opinion, it is absolutely right.* W" q. y, A7 p
. In this assay I will outline(用demonstrate 显你词汇丰富) some reasons of this social phenomenon and give some suggestions to avoid some reverse effects, t- ?8 ]5 Q! `; v+ j
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People,who are living in stressful environment, have to choose  international fast foods. Compared with traditional foods, international fast foods save many time especially for commuters, so that families have no enough time to communicate during the dinner in harmony atmosphere and ignore some healthy problems  这一句很明白你的意思是想说先说快餐的好处可以节省时间，然后反过来说他的坏处，可以没见你的转折性的词语 .可改First of all,  people,  who are living in stressful environment, have to choose  international fast foods. Compared with traditional foods, international fast foods save many times, especially for commuters, But on the other hand, it decreases time for family numbers to communicate around the table. to share their joy and experience. In a long run,.even to estrange relationship, especially between children and parents.
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And moreover, we have to admit that (the fast foods being cooked by unhealthy way are 改 the sanitation condition of the fast foods is always hard to match a high criteria because it emphasizes its speed. ) So it is also a threat to people's health. For instance, a new research reported that fast foods could cause certain cancers or severe disease. 至于这个举例就完全是吹牛了。当然。吹牛是可以的，就看你能怎么吹。吹的考官没话说就NB  不过最好也给点面子，可写成长期吃快餐可以导致什么心脏血管啊消化系统啊 神经细胞之类乱七八糟乱吹一通 记住，一定要写长期食用快餐，要不就没可信度，再者你吹的那些什么心脏血管病啊 癌症之类的可以反映你的饿词汇与见识   For instance, a new research reported that eating to much fast foods could cause  cardiovascular  disease  and some other diseases related to digestion system.4 C" [" K% C  w$ X7 O# S0 p" r, w
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In some countries, as a consequence of culture assimilation, people indiscriminately take fast food as a kind of popular dishes in some circumstances. For example, some youngsters like to invite their friends in some fast food restaurants. The good habit of eating foods has gradually undermined by the fast foods culture.$ l: Z' O4 Q6 X5 C0 N1 w
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# B+ j0 u% h% q5 ]Due to the industrialization, fast food industry could have conditions to made in considerable number of fast food and the foods people eating everyday have become increasingly non-nutritious and similar. The diversity of food will disappear if people do not take some actions to avoid this. 整个这些部分应该要指出快餐对社会的影响， 但貌似所写的没起到这个方面的影响与证据 注意。是快餐逐渐取代家庭餐这个问题产生的影响。可看看
0 {& N* a) V8 O& u* f" OIn addition, as the fast foods getting more and more prevailing. A serial of society problems are also coming out. Firstly. It undermines the long-history culture of traditional foods. Youngers tend to take international fast foods more and ignore their own traditional food graduatelly. Secondly. Some nutrition organizations no more than once acclaim that fast foods are always low nutrition and high adipose. Children should eat them as less as possible in order to avoid superfat and side-effect on intelligence growth.
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Overall, eating too much fast foods is not only a threat to individuals health, but is also harmful for keeping the harmony of families and diversity of cultures. Therefore, no matter how fast the life space is, to share lovely time with one's family, a person should spend some time studying foods culture and basic nutrition knowledge, or at least learn to cook some traditional dishes in one's spare time in stead of going to fast foods restaurants.5 l" R1 m! S) W# m+ E7 L- m
    时间仓促。做了以上些改动，LZ可以参考一下

是否有人也能帮我改下? 小作文 大家看个大概吧 没有电子版的图 谢谢谢谢- j: B, Q  d8 O$ L, p' o# \
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The first chart gives data about adult education in terms of different purpose to study and the pie chart illustrates the different views about the payer of adult education that people hold. The payer is comprised taxpayer, individual and employer.0 ^. I/ e" s) y2 ]0 F9 R2 K7 T

& y* I& ]& d. S% ~+ g+ O' _) V  @For all the different purposes, the most popular reasons are studying for interest and improving qualifications with 40% and 38% respectively. And 22% of students think the education is helpful for their current studies. The proportions of students who hope to improve prospects of promotion and students who enjoy studying are keeping in the same level (one fifth). There is also 12 % of the students study for changing their jobs while only 9% of them like to meet others.
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3 w; w9 u/ c/ x  z! |0 \We can see immediately from the pie chart that more people (40%) think adults should pay their tuitions by themselves while 35 percentage of people believe the employer should be the payer of adult education. There was only quarter of people said taxpayer should be shared the cost.5 a9 m. ?' m, @) n( A

" V8 a$ W( D8 k  ^6 EOverall the two charts, both approximate 40 percentage students study for their individual interest and gaining qualifications while the main view of the payer should be are the individual and employer.# \6 r/ ^" B2 a, M& Z2 V7 L

8 g6 `- b* d- R! s! x. C[ 本帖最后由 傻丫头(芋头) 于 2008-7-19 07:24 编辑 ]

The histogram demonstrates the changing proportion of four different types of writing technology which comprised computer typewriter, fountain pen and ball point pen in 1970, 1982 and 1999. It illustrates the trend that from writing towards typing.
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In 1970, more than 35% of students used ball point pen (50%) and fountain pen (37%) while 10% of students used typewriter for their study. However, the amount of using pen was decreased in 1982, there were 40% students prefer to use ball point pen and while only 5% of the students like using fountain pen. In contrast,  typewriter had became more popular than before which  40% of students used it and the proportion kept in the same level (38%) until 1994. The figure for usage of computer also shoots up between 1972 and 1994. There was no one used it at the beginning and only few of undergraduate students (10%) used computer to preparing their assignment in 1982. However, in 1994, half of students prefer to do their writing by computer.
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In the 24 years, the proportion of pen plunged while more students prefer typing their assignment by typewriter and computers.$ O; Z5 }" n$ ]# G) t
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一共两篇 谢谢大家了

the ability to judge right and wrong is an essential part of human's capability
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& g" B1 g( R6 f: g 这什么话。。。主句就是the ability is capability
1 a. _( A6 {/ w' s5 m能力是能力。。。. ]- ]( X7 i4 N! Z7 E  u
整就是个大废话。

都什么跟什么，开个作文批改专区得了

5分的作文吧~~建议多用连接词~~

不介意你来开个给大家改( \& l8 o# F" ]

$ \3 k; b1 z/ M# |1 t, A& C1 X. n[ 本帖最后由 咕咕！！~~~ 于 2008-7-20 10:04 编辑 ]

well, i rack my brain just to catch what you really want to say.  but unfortunately, i cannot get a clue...
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use the sentence structure that you are familiar with. Whenever you try to use complex sentence pattern, make sure it is in accordance with correct syntax.  Avoid as much confusion as you can.

不太好啊,建议找本书学学,那样进步会很快的4 t  u  T4 q- M  C5 t6 y% o
这是经验之谈噢!

这么多人都谈了LZ作文的缺点,我来谈谈优点吧0 i& [% o9 G/ e) U9 U% ]$ |
1.不少复杂句型的使用还是挺好的
0 L7 l# n% O( \+ v2.分词做定语,挺不错的
( @% t) Q& j; Z3 Z, ?8 I3.有些词或词组用的比较好,比如top priority/ j  C7 J- r7 d# F
4.用到了虚拟语态# J9 @* w% B; q( ?
感觉LZ是有语法功底的,如果能注意避免星星点点的小错误，并注意全文连贯性的话，应该能得６分，千万别灰心
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[ 本帖最后由 mihuanzhiyin 于 2008-7-23 08:54 编辑 ]

昏。。。
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看着都累》。。。。